FanPost

Not Philly Enough

Promoted from FanPosts, some laughs on an otherwise gloomy day... WC

 

This week, the Inqy's Frank Fitzpatrick wrote an article claiming that there was simply "not enough Philly" in Cole Hamels, and that this would eventually get to him.  I realized that this impenetrable logic also spells doom for many other Phillies, who just may not be Philly enough to make it in this town.

1. Jimmy Rollins
He's too busy doing Red Bull endorsements and bowling for charity to really get his head in the game. And he loves Jay-Z, who's from NY. What kind of Philadelphian listens to Jay-Z?? Or hip-hop, for that matter-- god knows it's not blue-collar enough, always talking about champagne, bling, and whips that couldn't even haul a half-ton of gravel.

2. Shane Victorino
He's from Hawaii (if that IS his real birth certificate). Plus, he replaced Aaron Rowand: the greatest Philadelphia athlete of all time. Shane runs too fast and plays too well to ever have to run into a wall to make a catch, and that's not how we get it done in Philly.

3. Chase Utley
Much like his Hollywood pal, Cole Hamels, Chase Utley is just another slicked-back Cali pretty boy.  And he never smiles during games, which just shows that he doesn't have the heart or love of the game that great players need to succeed.

4. Ryan Howard
The man does ads for Subway cheesesteaks. Nothing he could do on the field can make up for that.

5. Jayson Werth
Ok, I want to give it to him because he really does have the facial hair to be Philly enough.  But who the hell spells a nice normal name like Jason with a Y? Way too fancy, if you ask me. And he almost looks like he's having TOO much fun.  He should take a page from Chase Utley's handbook, and get more serious about the game.

6. Raúl Ibáñez
Seriously, what Philly fan wants a jersey with that many accents on it?

7. Pedro Feliz
No one likes him anyway.  Also, Geno's wouldn't even serve him a steak.

8. Carlos Ruiz
He's from Panama.  Isn't that where Abreu was from? And we all know how THAT worked out.

9. Cliff Lee
Did you hear him the other day when he said he wasn't nervous before the WS? That just shows he doesn't take the game seriously enough. Everyone knows Happ should've started Game 1 instead.

10. Brad Lidge
He's not performing as well as he used to, but gosh darn it does he try hard! He's got a great face of hair. Despite us being the defending champions, he makes us look and feel like underdogs.  And if there's one thing Philly loves, it's an underdog.  There you have it-- Brad Lidge is the Philliest Phillie we've got.

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