The Phillies Through the Eyes of The Onion

by David S. Cohen on Aug 26, 2009 2:44 PM EDT Comment 10 comments

With the Phillies actually doing well over the past few years, there's seemingly been a big increase in Phillies-related humor in The Onion. (The explanation is either that or that The Onion hired a Phillies fan to write for them.)

And today is as good a day as any to collect some of the great stories The Onion has published about the Phillies. After all, sometimes the best way to deal with a game like last night's is humor.

So here for your reading pleasure is a collection of great Onion stories about the Phillies (in reverse chronological order, so the links at the top are more recent than the ones at the bottom). Read them and . . . laugh!

Stadium Bursts Out Laughing After Jamie Moyer Pitch

Bat Boy Easily Holds Shane Victorino Back During Argument With Umpire

Chase Utley Feels Phillies Teammates Already Like Cliff Lee More Than Him

Blue Jays GM Confirms There Never Really Was a "Roy Halladay"

Harry Kalas Tribute Video Somehow Narrated by Harry Kalas

Cory Matthews, Mr. Feeny Share Joyous Moment Following Phillies World Series Victory

Phillies Win World Series, Nation Thinks

Mets Invite Phillies Back to Shea Stadium for a Nightcap

Jamie Moyer Change-Up Arrives at Home Plate After Long Journey

Player to Be Named Later From 1992 Trade Finally Named: "It Was Lenny Dykstra," Says Phillies GM

Shane Victorino Really Thought Phillies Could Avoid 10,000th Loss

Brett Myers Atones for Punching Wife With Solid Seven-Inning Outing

Jimmy Rollins Extends Non-Sequential-Game Hit Streak

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Comments

missed one

8 Year Old Little Leaguer, 31 Year-Old Professional Given Same Hitting Advice

by dajafi on Aug 26, 2009 2:48 PM EDT reply actions

Love it!

My search for “Phillies” missed that one since the team isn’t mentioned.

by David S. Cohen on Aug 26, 2009 2:52 PM EDT up reply actions

Funniest thing I've read in awhile.

The two about Moyer are especially funny. If I had been drinking anything, I think it would have come out of my nose.

by SmilingJPhilsPhan on Aug 26, 2009 3:42 PM EDT reply actions

hahaha

Despite the Mets’ high hopes for the evening’s nightcap, however, the Phillies did not allow them to get as far as third base.

That ball hit deep! Way back! You can put it on the boooaaaard...YES!

Long drive into deep right center field! This ball is OUTTA HEEERRRREE!
R.I.P. Harry Kalas 4-13-09

by HappyHuman on Aug 26, 2009 5:54 PM EDT reply actions

Another Haha

I’ve always been a step ahead, and right now, I’m neck and neck," Hamels said following Friday’s 4-2 loss to the Mets at Citi Field. "I might have a good game or a good inning, but you really have to put it together, pitch by pitch, inning by inning, to make it a good game. And then you have to back it up with another good game and another good game. Like what our other four starters are doing. For some odd reason, I’m the one that’s bringing them down.(end quote).

Which Steve-O says " No Cole, you are not neck and neck, you are a step behind.

by Steve-O- on Aug 26, 2009 6:41 PM EDT reply actions

“Jamie Moyer Change-Up Arrives at Home Plate After Long Journey”

That one made me laugh the most.

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by JasonB on Aug 27, 2009 12:52 AM EDT reply actions

Has to be a Phillies fan writing this. THen again, after lurking once or twice at Amazing Avenue during last weekend, I wouldn’t put it past some Mets fans (see esp the homoerotic nightcap story, a setup insult of the Mets).

Nationally, the Phils do have a kind of Rodney Dangerfield presence, just under the radar of the FOX/ESPN ruling junta of Dodgers-Cubs-Red Sox-Yankees. Could be my perception as a fan, but once the Phillies take the “NL’s best record” stat, it doesn’t seem to get mentioned nearly as often as when the Dodgers did.

by Wet Luzinski on Aug 27, 2009 9:27 AM EDT reply actions

The only reason the Phillies aren’t getting the “loser treatment” in the national media right now is that they’re just too good. If they suffer any kind of collapse, you’d better believe we’ll get it just like the Mets are getting it now from the likes of Conan O’Brien. They’ll always have Philadelphia to kick around.

AND, let us not forget the “devastating turn of events” in the NLCS last year. We’re basically the only ones who wanted the Phillies to win last year.

http://www.thegoodphight.com

by WholeCamels on Aug 27, 2009 10:17 AM EDT up reply actions

If they won’t give us any respect, then we’ll just have to beat it out of them. No way to avoid giving recognition to a repeat champion. “Let’s win the whole f-in’ thing.” /Major League

by taco pal on Aug 27, 2009 10:28 AM EDT up reply actions

True, true, hence the “rumor” story. I actually loved the fact that last year’s WS could have been the ratings bonanza of Dodgers (or even Cubs)-Red Sox but got the Price is Right Loser’s Horn matchup of Phils-D-Rays. It was looking so good for FOX. Then the rain bolloxed up, in effect, three nights of prime time programming.

by Wet Luzinski on Aug 28, 2009 10:11 AM EDT up reply actions