FanPost

Things that irritate me (about baseball fans)

EDITOR'S NOTE: Front Page'd. Good stuff, a well-oiled rant. - WC

I've been pretty preachy and self-righteous lately about two particular issues. Perhaps some venting in this space may help with (1) my mental health [1] and (2) get some people to recognize the folly of their ways and change their behaviors [2] so I can stop being a preachy prick [3]. 

In a nutshell, the two issues are:

  1. Using "we" when referring to a baseballing squad, and
  2. Hoping, even casually, for players to be hurt/beaned.

Skip the article if you are already in the choir on this or if you just don't care. The marginally interested are invited to participate in a Socratic give and take that will be alternately frustrating and enlightening. I promise that the money shot will reveal who owns the fox. I use some naughty words, too. If you don't like it, then get over it.

1. "We" when referring to a baseballing squad:

"We aren't hitting well in the NLCS against the Giants..." Really? Are you Raul Ibanez? Do you play for the Philadelphia Phillies? Do people make death threats against you when you give up home runs in World Series games? Do people speculate idly about your wife being boned by other players? Can you go anywhere in public without worrying that some ass will come up and interrupt your dinner/movie/trip for milk at the grocery store? Are you ever concerned that if you pick your nose in traffic that someone would take a picture and mock you endlessly on the internet (I've got your back on nose-picking, Bobby Cox!) Do people discuss/dissect/post-mortem your job performance in graphic and excruciating detail in real time and ad nauseum? Do you do your job on TV in front of millions of people and in person in front of thousands of drunk, frequently irate mouth breathers? Are you called upon to tackle Green Man on occasion? No? Then shut the fuck up about this "we" business. Try typing (as I am right now with my fists), "The Phillies aren't hitting well in the NLCS against the Giants..." instead of "We aren't...."

2. Wishing ill on players.

How many of you have recently called for the beaning or injury of one Babe Ruth (a.k.a. "Cody Ross")? Why should he be beaned? Why should someone hurt him? (Kill him and dump him in SF Bay, as I think one person casually suggested before recanting after it was challenged). What has Cody Ross done that merits injury, beaning, or even murder? Sure, these suggestions are made idly in the heat of an emotional pastime (watching a baseball game), but this is not a life and death pursuit. It's supposed to be fun, for crying out loud.

Lest some of you visiting from other sites think this is an affliction infecting only the singular species of "Asshole Philadelphia Fan", I suggest you search TalkingChop.com for some lovely 9th Circle of Hell tortures proposed recently for one Brooks Conrad. Every team has blood drunk retards hollering for batters to have their skulls crushed or ribs bruised by a pitcher at some point. I certainly wouldn't want people to suggest that Utley should be targeted -- John Lannan is already on my Enemies List for instance. Pitching inside is part of the game, and one that is different than baying for blood. The latter is just dumb, and it reflects poorly on you.

Seriously, people, get a grip. I wish one of the Phillies players was hitting as well as Ross and I wish the SFG pitchers were throwing belt-high, middle-in fastballs to Werth, Utley, and Howard. Hell, even Joe Blanton could poke one of those out. If the game gets you so mad that it isn't fun, walk away. In the words of Yoda: "Don't be a hater, Anakin It only leads to trouble."

*Whew* I feel better now. Go blog away.

 

[1] As if anything other than electroshock therapy and lithium can help with it.

[2] As if the public would ever voluntarily do anything to improve discourse or civility other than at the point of a gun.

[3] Fat chance, right? 

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