Phillies Prospect Roundup, July 6: Vice a verse-a (part 1 of 2)

by Wet Luzinski on Jul 6, 2010 5:00 AM EDT

While PhillyFriar is off doin' some serious book-learnin', I offered to take over for him for a coupla weeks, but only on the condition that I can start off in verse. So PF sent me the names, and I thumbed through my dog-eared copy of Great American Baseball Doggerel. The results follow.

Don't worry, you purists; P. Friar will be back soon. If you don't like what I do, rest assured that upon his return, he will have the ability to both sue me and represent himself. I lead off with six this morning; the other four later in the day.

Domonic Brown

Two thousand years from now
consider the religion of a savior, who -
in his most desperate hour - sized up his acolytes in Gethsemane
cast his tearful eyes skyward, and wrote
BOO in the dirt.

Harold Garcia

There is nothing back there for him but an oily strongman, and

ahead, a town of decay and powerless outlets. So he just hits.
And in the process, forgets - Moviel. Villareal. Fiers - all of them

fading stencils on his fuselage.

Jarred Cosart

A man named Poe rapped on my door
one black night, gripped my arm

and stayed a while.

He sits here still, gloomily writing my future, a pall,

a black bird on the rafter, my career

thumping beneath floorboards.

Brody Colvin

50 wins. So many reasons to celebrate

I lose count. To hell with the journey;

I like to arrive.

Michael Schwimer

Tall guys scare off the stickup men,
the penny-ante thieves, and make malingerers uncomfortable.
They crane their necks to look in curved mirrors for five-fingered discounters.

Solid, reliable kids, with some smarts too,
the ones who can close nights, you can trust with the receipts, boys like these
show up every night, allow you to sleep, don't rip you off.

Eric Pettis

Time is nothing
when your past looks like your future;
seasons get stolen, time tables get turned; you're liable
to depart so often that you keep arriving;
and the gift is your present.

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Comments

could you add color coding so that I can tell when to fist pump and when to frown?

by Clyde Simmons on Jul 6, 2010 7:54 AM EDT reply actions

thus saving the lives of countless millions of high schoolers confronted with poetry.

sea farin’! (fist pump!) albatross (frown)

by Wet Luzinski on Jul 6, 2010 8:49 AM EDT up reply actions

Way I remember it, albatross was a ship’s good luck, ’til some idiot killed it

by jemagee on Jul 6, 2010 10:01 AM EDT up reply actions

accurately remembered (fist pump!)

by Wet Luzinski on Jul 6, 2010 12:57 PM EDT up reply actions

Bravo, good sir! I best pass the bar exam so I can keep my real life job, because it seems I may have lost this one…

by PhillyFriar on Jul 6, 2010 9:03 AM EDT reply actions

This is brilliant, WL. The Pettis piece actually gave me pause.

by Trev223 on Jul 6, 2010 9:15 AM EDT reply actions

This is outstanding.

by taco pal on Jul 6, 2010 9:26 AM EDT reply actions

May I suggest we compile a book of Thegoodphight.com poetry?

by FuquaManuel on Jul 6, 2010 9:31 AM EDT reply actions

TGP Poetry Slam!

by taco pal on Jul 6, 2010 9:34 AM EDT up reply actions

With spirit fingers

by j reed on Jul 6, 2010 5:08 PM EDT up reply actions

In other news, Trevor May and Matt Way are trading places (Clearwater for Lakewood). The season has turned out to be a pretty disappointing one for May, but he’s still young. Also, the Lakewood rotation is now ludicrous.

Also, Nick Hernandez had a frayed labrum, but is now ready to come back. I had thought labrum injuries were like, really serious, but maybe there have been medical advances.

by taco pal on Jul 6, 2010 9:32 AM EDT reply actions

Oh wait, sorry – I didn’t realize this was part one of two. Hope I didn’t jump the gun on anything.

by taco pal on Jul 6, 2010 1:33 PM EDT up reply actions

Which labrum hip or shoulder? On hip labrums- unless your a pitcher (rotating while standing on one leg like a kick boxer or dancer) this injury should not happen in baseball other than as freak acute trauma like a collision. Other than butterfly goalies, kickboxers, soccer players and dancers, hip labrum injuries are most often seen in car accidents. You’ve gotta to do some serious overtraining in the batting cage to tear a hip labrum if your a position player.

by j reed on Jul 6, 2010 4:47 PM EDT up reply actions

Well if I wasn’t so Flowers for Algernon today I would of clicked on the damn link. Yeah that’s a tough injury for a pitcher. The shoulder’s versitile range of motion comes with some compromise to its stability.

by j reed on Jul 6, 2010 4:54 PM EDT up reply actions

There’s got to be a Wayne’s World, Way? No Way joke in there somewhere.

by phillyinportland on Jul 7, 2010 12:54 AM EDT up reply actions

Heh. I didn’t realize we have three minor league players named Jesus – Pirela on the Crosscutters, Sanchez on the Threshers, and Briceno in the VSL. Speaking of which, coaching the VSL must be fun – there are three guys named Jorge, three named Luis, and three named Jose.

Honor is no substitute for victory.

by The Dark on Jul 6, 2010 9:42 AM EDT reply actions

3 Joses? Sweet Jesus.

"I remember being three and I wanted to be a baseball player, that's all I ever really wanted to be. That and Spider Man." -Raul Ibanez

by Jose and the Contrarians on Jul 6, 2010 10:43 AM EDT up reply actions

On that note, what’s the plural of Jesus? If I’m referring to the three of them collectively, are they the Jesuses, or does it follow the cactus/octopus rule, and they’re the three Jesi?

Honor is no substitute for victory.

by The Dark on Jul 6, 2010 2:19 PM EDT up reply actions

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Jesuses

by David S. Cohen on Jul 6, 2010 4:27 PM EDT up reply actions

Honor is no substitute for victory.

by The Dark on Jul 6, 2010 6:40 PM EDT up reply actions

I love it, and only wish I understood any of it. :)

by David S. Cohen on Jul 6, 2010 10:59 AM EDT reply actions

Eric Pettis awakes one morning, his new designation is Number 6.

Number 6: Where am I?
Number 2: In the Village.
Number 6: What do you want?
Number 2: We want information.
Number 6: Whose side are you on?
Number 2: That would be telling, we want information, information information.
Number 6: You won’t get it.
Number 2: By hook or by crook, we will.
Number 6: Who are you?
Number 2: The new Number 2.
Number 6: Who is Number 1?
Number 2: You are Number 6.
Number 6: I am not a Number, I am a free man!
Number 6: Who is Number 1?
Number 2: You are, Number 6.
Number 6: I am not a Number. I am a person.

by j reed on Jul 6, 2010 5:07 PM EDT reply actions

When Eric Pettis awoke one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed in his bed into a monstrous vermin.

by taco pal on Jul 6, 2010 5:13 PM EDT up reply actions

Poor Gregor Pettis.

by j reed on Jul 6, 2010 5:24 PM EDT up reply actions

“The Monstrous Vermin” (or perhaps just “The Vermin”) would be a good sports nickname and I’m a little surprised no one has ever used it. Maybe for someone like Paul Lo Duca.

by taco pal on Jul 6, 2010 5:39 PM EDT up reply actions

Well is Billy Wagner is referred to as Ratboy. But that might be more of a slur than a nickname. The Vermin….describes many people but who does it fit. Lo Duca is pretty good.

by j reed on Jul 6, 2010 6:02 PM EDT up reply actions

Could be the name of a basestealer. It’d work for Ryan Freel. I don’t think he’s around anymore. Dude was on the DL quite a bit. Maybe he decided to stay there.

by j reed on Jul 6, 2010 6:32 PM EDT up reply actions