Are You There God? It's Me, Ruben.

Where can I get a copy of "Our Bodies, Ourselves?"

Are you there God? It's me, Ruben. We're not trading today. I'm so scared, God. I've never kept prospects before. Suppose I hate them? Suppose all the fans hate me? Please help me God. Don't let Jack McCaffery be too horrible. Thank you.

...

Are you there God? It's me, Ruben. My new friend, Sandy Alderson, asked me if I think David Wright is cute. He's so dreamy. David, I mean. Sandy used to be ok, but now he's kind of smelly. He just turned twelve, and I think he needs to start using deodorant. At the meetings, I see some of the other GM's sniffing under their arms. They always seem to do that when it's hot and humid. I guess they must be using deodorant now. Sandy doesn't. I think someone should talk to him.

...

Are you there, God? It's me, Ruben. Sandy won't leave me alone. He keeps telling me that if I trade him Domonic Brown, that he''ll leave me alone. At recess, he started chanting, "You must - you must - you must trade me your bust!" All the other kids stared at us. I'm worried that they think I have a crush on him or something. I have to admit that he wasn't nearly so smelly today. He told me Dom showed him some awesome soap, and that helped.

...

Are you there God? It's me, Ruben. Today, Mr. Gillick sent me a pamphlet. It's called "What Every GM Should Know about SABR." I threw it away. I guess Mr. Gillick must be getting ready to give me "the talk." Sandy says he already knows all about it. That must be why he carries around a calculator in his pocket all the time. I should never have kissed him at the sock hop. He's such a tool. When I get my training bra for my moobs, there's no way I'm going to let him touch them.

...

Are you there, God? It's me, Ruben. I was so embarrassed today. I had a giant blackhead. And Sandy saw me. My hairline is receding, so I couldn't cover it up, either. It was AWFUL. And Domonic did *not* share his soap with me. He's just awful, too. But Sandy did. Maybe he's not so bad.

...

Are you there God? It's me, Ruben. I did an awful thing today. Just awful! I'm definitely the most horrible person who ever lived and I really don't deserve anything good to happen to me. Me and Ed Wade picked on Neal Huntington. We teased him by telling him that the Pirates were really poor, and that he always has to wear his brother's hand-me-downs. Just because I felt mean, I took it all out on him. I really hurt Neal's feelings, God. Why did you let me do that? I feel terrible.

...

Are you still there God? It's me, Ruben. I know you're there God. Sandy agreed to trade David Wright to me today, and I only had to give up Domonic Brown, Vance Worley, and Phillippe Aumont! I knew Sandy was my friend! I'm so glad he agreed to go along with my idea, but it wasn't easy God. You must have been helping me. I know you wouldn't have missed this for anything! Thank you God. Thanks an awful lot...

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