Navigation: Jump to content areas:


Pro Quality. Fan Perspective.
Login-facebook
Around SBN: The Most Dangerous Division in Sports

A Prayer To BaseBa'al

To the great and compassionate BaseBa’al, protector of the Game, we beseech thee to withhold thy vengeance from the Philadelphia Phillies Baseball Club and its players.  

We ask of thee to guide their ground balls into the hole, their line drives to land in safety on the luscious green grass planted in thy honor, and their fly balls to sail beyond the reach of their enemy’s glove and, whenever possible in thy kindness, beyond the outfield fence. 

We humbly beg of thee to allow the pitchers of our Beloved Team to miss the bats of their enemies and to find the hands of Chooch always.  When, in thy mercy, thou allowest the enemy to make contact, may they only hit weak grounders and popups that shall always find the unfailing gloves of thy humble servants.

We implore of thee to prevent injury and to grant a safe, speedy return and resurrection of those who have temporarily left us, especially Chase Utley, Domonic Brown, and Placido Polanco.  We also plead with thee to lift the Curse of Second Base away from this Team forevermore.  We ask thee to protect and guide both the decisions of Charles F. Manuel and Ruben Amaro, Junior.  Leadeth Charlie away from the abyss of the Gut and Ruben away from the folly of the Smug.

Finally, we docilely submit the following petitions for thy benevolent consideration:

For Domination by the Starting Rotation
For the Scoring of Many Runs
For the Accuracy of Ryan Howard’s Throws
For Plentiful Pinch Hits
For Bullpen Competence
For Two Halves of the Good Raul Ibanez
For 100 Wins
For Another World F*cking Championship

We ask all of these things in thy just and merciful name, O wise BaseBa’al.

Amen.

Comment 17 comments  |  10 recs  | 

Do you like this story?

Comments

Display:

Awesome… Simply too good!

by dannijd on Mar 30, 2011 11:02 PM EDT via mobile reply actions  

Careful, or you might be named Chaplain by acclamation.

Why look'st thou so?' -"With my crossbow
I shot the Albatross."

by RememberthePhitans on Mar 30, 2011 11:09 PM EDT reply actions  

That would be just fine with me. It even has a nice ring to it.

by WanderingMoses on Mar 31, 2011 7:07 AM EDT up reply actions  

Nice prayer bro!

What, no words for Bocock? He’s on the DL you know…

Throw style points out the window.

Is very bad to steal Jobu's rum. Is very bad.

"He'll just smile and be cordial out there. Then he'll kill you." --Aaron Smith on Troy Polamulu

by BigLumber55 on Mar 31, 2011 8:32 PM EDT reply actions  

Even though I walk through the basepaths of the shadow of loss, I fear no evil, for thou art with me. Thy stride and thy stance, they comfort me. Thou settest the table before me in the presence of the opposing bullpen; thou anointest my helmet with rosin; my cup fits snugly.

"Ninety percent of this game is half mental" - Yogi Berra (SI, May 14, 1979)

by bandwagonesque on Apr 1, 2011 10:40 PM EDT reply actions  

That’s pretty good.

Psalm 23 is always one of my favorites. I had thought about doing the prayer in the form of the Our Father, but I ultimately felt that would be in bad taste.

by WanderingMoses on Apr 1, 2011 11:08 PM EDT up reply actions  

As a Catholic, I would not have been offended.

by Phrozen on Apr 1, 2011 11:19 PM EDT up reply actions  

As am I, and I would not have been offended either, but there would have been someone, somewhere that would have been offended, and HL Mencken’s quip about Puritanism would have been fulfilled yet one more time.

by WanderingMoses on Apr 1, 2011 11:50 PM EDT up reply actions  

I rec’d this comment.

A proud member of the Church of BaseBa'al

by WanderingMoses on Apr 4, 2011 7:48 AM EDT up reply actions  

Rec’d. Beautifully done. I am beginning to think that we should just have our own prayer section here on TGP. My only question is, why would we forgive the errors made against us? We want MOAR!

A proud member of the Church of BaseBa'al

by WanderingMoses on Apr 7, 2011 7:02 AM EDT up reply actions  

MOAR is less. I caution against covetousness. And grasping – it is at the heart of samsara. Don’t be a dukkha sucka!

Why look'st thou so?' -"With my crossbow
I shot the Albatross."

by RememberthePhitans on Apr 7, 2011 12:06 PM EDT up reply actions  

Is there a baseball version of transmigration of the soul?

A proud member of the Church of BaseBa'al

by WanderingMoses on Apr 7, 2011 2:48 PM EDT up reply actions  

Comments For This Post Are Closed


User Tools

Analysis and features focusing on Philadelphia Phillies baseball.

Next Game

Philadelphia Phillies
@ St. Louis Cardinals

Friday, May 25, 2012, 8:15 PM EDT
Busch Stadium

Cliff Lee vs Kyle Lohse

Clear. Winds blowing from right to left field at 5-15 m.p.h. Game time temperature around 90.

Complete Coverage >

Yahoo_full_count

Blog Lords

Wholecamels_small WholeCamels

Boys_small jonk

Tecumseh_phillies_small FuquaManuel

Dsc04697_small David S. Cohen

Meltingface_small dajafi

Phillyfriar__new2__small PhillyFriar

Associate Blog Lords

Bugs_small taco pal

Greg_luzinski_small Wet Luzinski

-20100715-hamels_avatar_for_rtp_small RememberthePhitans

Phillies1980logo_small schmenkman

Lion_small philsandthrills

Madmen_icon_small lizroscher

Contributors

Ryanred_small petzrawr

Werein_small Phrozen

Trader-joes_small Joecatz

Small Dash Treyhorn

Blogger Emeritus

Colevatar_small Matt Swartz