Alas, poor Utley!

by RememberthePhitans on Mar 9, 2011 4:40 PM EST

First Clown:
Tendonitis on his knee and death follows! 'a pour'd a flagon
of Flying Fish on my head. This same knee, sir, was, sir,
Utley's knee, the Phils slugger.

Hamels:
This? [Takes the knee]

First Clown:
E'en that.

Hamels:
Alas, poor Utley! I knew him, Victorino, a fellow of infinite
skill, of most excellent power. He hath bore me on his back a
thousand times, and now how abhorr'd in my imagination it is!
My gorge rises at it.

Tweet Comment 24 comments | 12 recs |

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Comments

Photoshop, anyone?

by taco pal on Mar 9, 2011 5:20 PM EST reply actions

Me too

Had the same thought. Maybe a fist pump picture has enough arm extension?

Why look'st thou so?' -"With my crossbow
I shot the Albatross."

by RememberthePhitans on Mar 9, 2011 5:24 PM EST up reply actions

What am I thinking? If it’s shopped, OF COURSE it will have enough extension…

Why look'st thou so?' -"With my crossbow
I shot the Albatross."

by RememberthePhitans on Mar 9, 2011 10:29 PM EST up reply actions

Little known fact: this scene in The Tragedy of Hamels, Prince of Denmark is often conflated with a less famous scene with a different Utley, during a postseason pitchers’ duel:

KING AROLDIS
Stay; watch this pitch. Hamels, this ball is thine;
Here’s to thine strikeouts.
Jumbotron sound, and cannon-arm shoots off within

Give him the ball.

HAMELS
I’ll watch at-bat first; set it by awhile. Come.

AROLDIS throws a pitch

Another hit batsmen; what say you?

UTLEY
A touch, a touch, I do confess.

UMP
Take yer base!

by Trev223 on Mar 9, 2011 6:23 PM EST reply actions 8 recs

In all seriousness, this is awesome. Totally perfect, RTP.

by Trev223 on Mar 9, 2011 6:23 PM EST up reply actions

I think the fact that you have out rec’d me says something about the quality of your work, sir.

Why look'st thou so?' -"With my crossbow
I shot the Albatross."

by RememberthePhitans on Mar 9, 2011 10:12 PM EST up reply actions

Haha, it seems the crown of recs has found its rightful owner again, but I’ll take the compliment — thanks!

by Trev223 on Mar 10, 2011 9:07 AM EST up reply actions

Now I feel an urge to rewrite the entire play in Phillies-style...

but I have no time to do that now.. maybe cumulative by the end of the year?

by NowWhat? on Mar 9, 2011 9:54 PM EST up reply actions

Gold Stars all around.

Training for the Phillies 5K Run on March 26th. Hoping I don't embarrass myself :-)

5K training blog: In play, run(s)

by LeepinLizardz on Mar 9, 2011 7:11 PM EST reply actions

Somehow, we’re fulfilling our “Comforting Ourselves with Humor and Sarcasm” as well as our “Classy” banners at the same time.

by Senor Octubre on Mar 9, 2011 9:02 PM EST reply actions

....

by j reed on Mar 9, 2011 9:08 PM EST reply actions

VICTORINO

    Never believe it:
    I am more a wild Hawaiian than a Guido:
    Here’s yet some liquor left.

UTLEY

    As thou’rt a man,
    Give me the cup: let go; by heaven, I’ll have’t.
    O good Victorino, what a wounded knee,
    Things standing thus unknown, shall live behind me!
    If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart
    Absent thee from no-questions-asked awhile,
    And in this harsh world swing thy bat in pain,
    To tell my story.

March upon us, and shot within my knee
What boorlike noise is this?

ESKIN

    Young Cataldi, with conquest come from Radio,
    To the obsequiators of WIP gives
    This boorlike volley.

HAMLET

    O, I die, Victorino;
    This course of cortisone quite o’er-crows my spirit:
    I cannot live to hear the news from WIP;
    But I do prophesy the election lights
    On Cataldi: he has my dying voice;
    So tell him, with the twiter feeds, more and less,
    Which have solicited. The rest is silence.

Dies

VICTORINO

Now cracks a noble bat. Good night sweet prince:
And flights of puppies whine thee to thy rest!

by Wet Luzinski on Mar 9, 2011 9:42 PM EST reply actions 7 recs

natch, that last HAMLET should read UTLEY

by Wet Luzinski on Mar 9, 2011 9:44 PM EST up reply actions

"Now cracks a noble bat."

Made me think of that “Harpoon Rollins at home” photo of Victorino. At least I think it was Victorino getting ready to harpoon Rollins. I googled and googled and can’t find that photo. Can I get a witness?

Why look'st thou so?' -"With my crossbow
I shot the Albatross."

by RememberthePhitans on Mar 9, 2011 10:11 PM EST up reply actions