Roy Halladay sits down for an exclusive on The Chris Farley Show

by DirtyWaters on Apr 22, 2011 5:15 PM EDT

[Note by FuquaManuel, 04/22/11 5:12 PM EDT: Frontpaged for comedic excellence. ]

With the Phils about to play their first set of late night games...an interview to be aired sometime late Saturday night:

Chris Farley: Um, hi. Welcome to The Chris Farley Show. I'm.. Chris Farley.. and, my guest tonight is.. one of the.. greatest pitchers.. uh, starting pitchers. I guess, baseball players, ever. [ Smacks himself ] GOD! That sounds stupid! God, I'm an idiot! I never know how to start these things!

Roy Halladay: You're doing great, Chris.

Chris Farley: [ hopeful ] Really? ....No, I'm not. [ hyperventilating ] Anyway.. I guess.. I didn't have, have to say, who you were, because.. man, I mean.. everyone knows who you are. Mmm.. you're Roy Halladay.

Roy Halladay: Well, it's great to be here.

Chris Farley: [ uncomfortable ] You.. you.. you remember when you were traded to the Phillies?

Roy Halladay: Yeah, sure.

Chris Farley: That was awesome!

Roy Halladay: Yeah, it was.
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Chris Farley: O-kay.. Oh! You.. you remember when you went to Florida.. and, uh, and at the stadium they couldn’t hit you 'cause you were so nasty, and.. it made all the papers, and everything..?

Roy Halladay: Well, to be honest, Chris, I'd kind of forgotten about all of that.

Chris Farley: [ smacks himself harder ] IDIOT!! That's so stupid! What a dumb question!!

Roy Halladay: No, no, no, Chris. I get asked that all the time in interviews. David Murphy asked the same question last week.

Chris Farley: Really? [ pause ] Did you know that he's like an actual big league scout?

Roy Halladay: Yeah. I've heard that.

Chris Farley: Did you see "The Last Boy Scout"?

Roy Halladay: No, I missed that one.

Chris Farley: That was a pretty awesome flick. [ pause ] O-kay.. remember.. you remember when you were with the Blue Jays, and you were supposed to be bad, and, uh, there was all these clues, that, like, uh, you were sent to the minors, and people would say, like, "Roy Is bad", and, uh, everyone thought that you weren’t really good? That was, um, a hoax, right?
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Roy Halladay: Yeah. I wasn't really bad.

Chris Farley: Right. [ pause] you..you remember when..you remember that MLB 2K11 commercial?

Roy Halladay: [nods]

Chris Farley: [ excited ] wh..where you had that blow up doll of Chooch and..and..you were asking..um..about choosing between..um..turkey or ham?

Roy Halladay: yes?

Chris Farley: That was awesome! [ pause ] I think we.. I think we got time for one more question. Uh.. remember when you were in the playoffs? And, um, you threw that no-hitter, and at the very end in the post game interview you said, "Once it ends, it’s a little bit surreal." You.. you remember that?

Roy Halladay: Yes.

Chris Farley: Uh.. is that true?

Roy Halladay: Yes, Chris. In my experience, it is. I find, that when you do something that has only happened twice in history, it is a bit surreal.
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Chris Farley [ ecstatic, starts to point at Roy and mouth "AWESOME!" ] Well, that's it for this week's show. Thank you, Roy Halladay, thank you, for being one of the greatest.. of Phillies.. I mean, a living legend. And uh, a legend of baseball.. and.. just thanks for being on the show, and.. [ smacks himself even harder ] GOD DANGIT! That sounded stupid! I knew I'd screw up!

Roy Halladay: You did fine, you did fine, Chris.

Chris Farley: Really? Thanks, man. Thanks. Thank you. [ Outro music comes on, Chris continues to talk to Roy] Remember.. remember when I was talking to you about "The Last Boy Scout"? You.. you should see that movie, it's pretty cool..[ Roy nods his head ]

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So, I obviously was busy at work today. Those of you who are familiar with this SNL sketch will realize that Paul McCartney is much smaller than Roy Halladay. For those who haven't seen it or just need a refresher....enjoy.

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Awesome stuff.

Foley: “What do you want to do when you grow up?”
Halladay: “Well, I’m already a professional baseball player, I’ve won two Cy Young awards, and am generally regarded as the best at what I do. I would like to win the World Series, I guess .”
Foley: "Well, you’ll have plenty of time to win the World Series WHEN YOU’RE LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!

by Phrozen on Apr 21, 2011 8:37 PM EDT reply actions

I actually almost did that instead…I was watching the Best of Farley today while not working, which led to all this…time to “get back on the right track”

"Francisco!...that's fun to say!" - Buddy

by DirtyWaters on Apr 21, 2011 8:43 PM EDT up reply actions

I hear McCartney’s cutter isn’t as effective, either. Height may be part of that equation.

"Ninety percent of this game is half mental" - Yogi Berra (SI, May 14, 1979)

by bandwagonesque on Apr 22, 2011 5:42 PM EDT reply actions

"Made it, Ma! Top of the world!"

"Francisco!...that's fun to say!" - Buddy

by DirtyWaters on Apr 22, 2011 6:03 PM EDT reply actions

Excellent work :-)

You found two different pictures of Roy Halladay smiling? That’s incredible!

Oh, I don't know. I think the GM should sign that free agent velociraptor to fortify the bench. He's a playoff veteran who still shows a lot of hustle.

by LeepinLizardz on Apr 23, 2011 8:15 AM EDT reply actions