Your TGP Guide to Talking to the Media About the Phillies/Red Sox Series

Over the next three days, it's very likely you'll find yourself cornered by someone from the media asking you about the Phillies/Red Sox series over the next few days. In particular, you're likely to be asked something connected to the 2011 World Series (which, to give you some essential background information, has not happened yet and, believe it or not, we don't even know the participants in yet!).

Well, if you're one of the unlucky ones faced with this predicament, what do you say? We at The Good Phight are here to help you with our handy-dandy Guide to Talking to the Media About the Phillies/Red Sox Series (TM).

Below are your essential quotes, your go-to comments, for this situation.  And, as an added bonus, each quote has a translation after it so you can truly understand the meaning of what you're actually saying.

We're all just looking for a little help given the difficult task we're facing. Good luck!

On the 2011 World Series
"We aren't even at the halfway point of this season."  (Please, stop bothering me.)
"I'm just focusing on the game today."  (Seriously, this is an absurd thing to be talking about in June.)
"October is a long way away.  Anything can happen between now and then."  (Do I need to count the days between now and then for you?)
"I don't pay attention to the standings until after the All-Star break."  (Do you even follow baseball and know how it works?)
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves."  (Because you obviously are, you stupid schmuck!)

On Cliff Lee v. Josh Beckett
"They're both great pitchers who can really dominate."  (D'uh.)
"Each team will have to bear down against them."  (As opposed to every other pitcher they face.)
"Every game counts equally in the standings."  (Did you think this one counted twice?)
"What we've done in the past against him is irrelevant."  (But do you remember opening day 2003? or September 23, 2004? or June 14, 2009? Fun times!)
"Thinking about whether they'd face each other in October is a bit premature."  (Anyway, when the two teams face each other in the World Series, which we know they will, Roy Halladay will face Beckett in Game 1.)

On the Phillies' struggling offense compared to Boston's dominant offense
"Both teams feature some really potent hitters."  (Wish the Phils' would show up one day.)
"With Utley, Chooch, and Victorino back, it's only a matter of time before the Phillies hit their stride."  (Please? We've been saying that for several weeks now.)
"Adrian Gonzalez is a really great hitter."  (Have you seen his line against Cliff Lee?)

On the two franchises generally
"Both teams have storied histories." (But only one traded away Babe Ruth.)
"The two teams have so much in common."  (We've suffered so long and hate New York teams.)
"Bill Buckner and Mitch Williams."  (*weeping*)

On the two cities generally
"There is so much history in both cities."  (Just don't ask Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachmann to tell you that history.)
"Our country owes its existence to both cities."  (But seriously, does anyone other than a seventh grade teacher really care about that damn bell or some people throwing tea into the harbor?)
"Both sets of fans are so passionate."  (Don't even think about wearing a Red Sox jersey anywhere near CBP.)

So that's a good start that should cover you for many questions.  Good luck, and if you have any to add, help us all out in the comments.

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