The Franchise, Episode 2: The Brian Wilson Show, Starring Brian Wilson
by lizroscher on Aug 5, 2011 2:48 PM EDT
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The second episode of The Franchise (which is blessedly only 30 minutes, unlike the 60 minute premiere) takes us to All-Star Game, and the star that the show would like us to focus on is Brian Wilson, and also sort of Ryan Vogelsong. Oh wait, there’s Roy and Cliff standing with Vogelsong!
There is no question that Brain Wilson loves the spotlight. He revels in it. Wilson himself says that he wants to have fun with his career, and to be honest, I admire him for that. If he can play well and have a good time, then Godspeed. I just wish he wasn’t such an annoying ass about it. I also wish he wasn’t everywhere – the man is overexposed, and as we careen toward the playoffs, it’s only going to get worse. Lincecum was his roommate in AAA, and he says that the Brian Wilson we all see is the real deal. After games, he would play his guitar in his "man thong." At the same exact time he says this, they show footage on the screen on Wilson with his dog, and The Machine shows up in the background. Excuse me, I think I need to vomit.
I could use some feel good Vogelsong action, that’s for sure. They show him talking to Cliff Lee before the All-Star Game, but they take Cliff away as soon as they give him to me. Though it’s to interview Nicole Vogelsong, who is delightful, and the VogelChild is too adorable for words.
Barry Zito is not in Arizona during the ASG. He’s in the kitchen making eggs (seriously, they show that). While he’s at the stove, Zito admits that he thinks about opening his own restaurant and being the chef. It’s like he knows already that he may not be long for the world of baseball. Incidentally, Zito also supplied original music for the entire series, and played guitar on Nick Swisher’s album of kids’ songs. Yes, you read that correctly. Look it up. Or, you know what? Don’t. For the good of your ears.
Pablo Sandoval made it to the All-Star Game, and they don’t really focus on the fact that his manager, Bruce Bochy, chose him to fill a last minute roster spot. I can’t complain, because it’s something that Charlie Manuel did with Ryan Howard last year. I will say this: Sandoval was on a hot streak coming into the ASG. Sandoval is also extremely entertaining. When he’s on screen, he’s either mashing a baseball or laughing very loudly. (I may be confusing entertainment with loudness.)
Bruce Bochy’s extremely boring and uninspiring pre-ASG locker room speech ("Go get ‘em") is a great opportunity to show current Phillies! There’s Cliff and Cole, sitting together and looking bored. And look, it’s future Phillie Hunter Pence, looking bright eyed and bushy tailed, his head perked up like a squirrel who just remembered where he buried an acorn.
The VogelWife cries when her husband is introduced at the ASG, and even I can’t help but tear up. I have a lot of complaints about this series, but the Vogelsong storyline isn’t among them. Then they launch into a heartbreaking story about their horrible 2010, during which Vogelsong was released (by the Phillies) and Nicole’s father had a massive heart attack and passed away. Oh, God, they’re playing old voicemails that her dad left them while they were in Japan. Stay…strong…must…not…cry…
Just when I don’t think I can take it anymore, they finally get to the actual playing of the ASG. You know what that means: ROY HALLADAY! There’s Roy walking to the mound! There’s Roy pitching! There’s Roy being praised by Bruce Bochy!
Unfortunately, this is not a show about the Phillies. (Though if they do one, you better believe I’ll write about it.) This show is about the Giants, and the player they want to focus on to close out the episode is Brian Wilson. After he pitched in the ASG, they show him at the ESPYs. At the ESPYs, he wore a black and white spandex "tuxedo", an orange bowtie, bright red socks, black and silver sneakers, sunglasses, and he carried a cane with a cougar handle. Regarding the cane: "I feel awkward not holding it. I just, like, then I’m a mime. With the cane I’m somewhat like Mr. Peanut with a beard. But not a cartoon…ish character that’s a salty and flavorful snack at bars." He is trying so, so hard. He looks like an idiot, which I’m sure was the intention. Now everyone is talking to him about his weird spandex mime costume!
But of course, Wilson has a sense of humor about himself. I’m guessing he likes Seth Myers making jokes about him at the ESPYs, especially since Myers ends his series of one-liners with "By the way, you’re my favorite baseball player for the rest of my life, you know that, right?" The show, through narrator Andre Braugher, at least recognizes that Wilson runs the risk of becoming overexposed. Though it seems to ignore the fact that he is already overexposed, and their television program is, in fact, ADDING TO THE DIN. Good Lord.
Next time on PLEASE DON’T STOP PAYING ATTENTION TO US: Aubrey Huff gets his moment in the sun, and also gets his credit card stolen (OR DOES HE?!). The Giants talk about how much they enjoy torturing their fans. Freddy Sanchez falls down. 100% less Phillies. Wait! Don’t go!
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Love it… I lost the over/under on when people would credit Pence with our turnaround against the Giants
…the Phillies haven’t lost since getting Hunter Pence(notes). The difference continued to show in San Francisco on Thursday, as Pence was the driving offensive force in an opening 3-0 win, while Cliff Lee(notes) shut Beltran and the Giants’ bats down.
That article wasn’t as bad as I expected but your quote and this one do stand out as a little silly.
Somehow, both Howard and Raul Ibanez have gotten hotter since Pence was placed between them in the batting order. In that respect, he’s doing just what we wanted when we got him.
Pence isn’t a magical jar of Tiger Balm used to heat up cold left handed hitters.
by FanSince1993 on Aug 5, 2011 2:58 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Pence provides protection
It’s real – see
by SportingFanaticism on Aug 5, 2011 3:01 PM EDT up reply actions
It is Pence-tection™
Agreed the article I cited about wasn’t bad… but certain parts made me chuckle.
by Cole_Hamels_Can on Aug 5, 2011 3:40 PM EDT up reply actions
I must admit, I find that by reading these articles I don’t have to watch the show even a little. I like Hard Knocks but this show sounds awful. Not just because it’s the giants, but because it’s awful.
Showtime – MORE Emmy Rossum (clothed is even ok) less SF Giants
Thank you
by SportingFanaticism on Aug 5, 2011 2:58 PM EDT reply actions
I hate most reality shows, but reality shows involving sports seem to be the worst. It would help if the people involved in team meetings/players being cut/night of caousing/whatever didn’t feel the need to glance over at the camera every three seconds.
Welcome to the City of Brotherly Love, now GTFO
by Veni Vidi Vici on Aug 5, 2011 4:41 PM EDT up reply actions
his head perked up like a squirrel who just remembered where he buried an acorn.
I lol’d. Well done.
This show needs to answer the IMPORTANT questions
Like how much chronic does Timmy smoke weekly
And what shoe polish does Wilson use for that exquisite dye job?
by SportingFanaticism on Aug 5, 2011 3:03 PM EDT reply actions
has Showtime developed a reality show
for the thread that resulted from yesterday’s “Franchise” review?
It’s in development from the writers of episodes (which is FUNNY)
by SportingFanaticism on Aug 5, 2011 3:05 PM EDT up reply actions
9 year old Phillies fan hit by car driven by drunk SF fan
http://www.myfoxphilly.com//dpp/news/local_news/young-phillies-fan-hurt-at-giants-game-080511
" You dont seem like a scientist ... You seem more like a Game show host..."
I suspect the guy was just wasted drunk and wasnt aiming for any phillies fan per se…
but still…
" You dont seem like a scientist ... You seem more like a Game show host..."
And where was Hunter Pence? He provides protection, so why was he not there!
by Phrozen on Aug 5, 2011 3:22 PM EDT up reply actions 6 recs
Poor form there bud. Poor form.
Back to the article…I hope that child is okay and I have no respect for people who drive under the influence. They are not only a danger to themselves but to other drivers and innocent bystanders. I don’t know why people can not make sound decisions before they begin alcohol consumption, like have a DD.
"They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds." - Wilt Chamberlain
good post soman… the dog’s rear picture was directed at Phrozen who I think was trying to make joke
" You dont seem like a scientist ... You seem more like a Game show host..."
But still what? Where it does it say in that article that the driver is a SF Giants fan and coming from the game?
Even if the driver is a fan and coming from the game I don’t understand the relevance. I don’t see how fanbase animosity is an issue. It’s just horrible negligence and chance at work.
There has been a drive in some corners over the last several years for more protection against drunken drivers coming from sporting events- teams and law enforcement are becoming more aware that cutting off alcohol in the third quarter/ seventh inning is still too late for some fans to be safe to drive home.
"Valdez can pitch, Lee can hit... and pigs can fly."
by dannijd on Aug 5, 2011 9:23 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
That really is awful. I wish the team affiliations of the parties involved weren’t even mentioned though. Somehow taking a child being hit by a drunk driver and adding a sports twist cheapens the event. I kinda felt the same way about the Stow incident. When people are seriously injured the teams they root for or against is moot to me.
by FanSince1993 on Aug 5, 2011 3:58 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
I disagree only to the extent that in the Stow case it’s at least part of the motive for the attack.
http://www.thegoodphight.com
Agreed. I just feel like the story became about the Dodgers fans who attacked the Giants fan more than just about a brutal assault. That being said, all the media coverage probably has generate more support for the victims in these cases.
by FanSince1993 on Aug 5, 2011 4:16 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
I agree with you on these cases
I am a Giants fan, went to the game where Stow was assaulted. I felt a dark presence there and my girl was not comfortable at all. More horrific than a Raiders game to opposing fans, if you believe that. Maybe that reputation has not reached the east coast, but of all the sports venues I have been too, Dodger stadium that day was a dark spooky place with 50k hostile. Maybe 2 years of getting stopped by the Phillies in the NLCS and watching the Giants win it all hurt their fragile little egos.
From what I hear, the thug element is out of the Dodgers stadium, along with 20-30k fans a game too, lol. Doesn’t help the team stinks and the owner is a scumbag. Leave the game on the field, respect each other as baseball fans, if not Americans, if not humans.
My heart goes out the the family in this tragedy. They are in my prayers.
Time to repeat in '11!
Actually, Dodger Stadium’s rep has made it here to Philly. The travelling fans brought those reports back.
I hope the kid recovers. Nobody deserves to be hurt by somebody else’s stupid decision, and it is all the more egregious when the injured party is a child.
by corwinlinnel110 on Aug 5, 2011 9:02 PM EDT up reply actions
I pretty much agree with this. the fact that it was a Phillies fan makes it a local interest story, though. Hopefully the kid is ok, and hopefully the d-bag driver will learn his lesson and lose his license for quite a while. Drunk drivers are pretty low in my opinion.
Welcome to the City of Brotherly Love, now GTFO
by Veni Vidi Vici on Aug 5, 2011 4:38 PM EDT up reply actions
that aspect is newsworthy
Visiting fans are tourists, and tourism is huge, huge, huge here. As dysfunctional and messed up as our city administration may be in many ways, they and the tourism industry (and, really the media here) all know and value the experience of visitors here. Something bad happening to a visitor= unusual, and most definitely undesired.
Let alone when something happens to some poor kid here for a ballgame. Best wishes for a recovery and homecoming for him.
May 29, 2010: Steven Revetria becomes Giants General Manager. The rest is history.
"118 elements, and still no stanfurdium"- carp, paraphrased
Bandwagons are fun- that's why people get on them in the first place.
by natteringnabob on Aug 5, 2011 11:20 PM EDT up reply actions
the thing i hate about this is
You know if it were “9 year old Giants fan hit by car driven by drunk Phillies fan”, this story would be all over espn national news
I feel awful for having that same thought. And if not all over the news, then all over the internetz about how CLASSLESS Philly fans are. Ugh. It was a terrible accident and I hope nothing but the best for the family. And for the idiot (who has been presumed drunk) to get some sort of comeuppance.
Writer at SB Nation's Philadelphia Union blog, The Brotherly Game. Follow me on Twitter.
Andrew Alan Vargas
was arrested today at his apartment in Hayward. There seems to have been a passenger with him who is cooperating, and witnesses have ID’d his vehicle. Hopefully that will all come together to send him to a lovely bunk in San Quentin or another of our plush penitentiaries.
May 29, 2010: Steven Revetria becomes Giants General Manager. The rest is history.
"118 elements, and still no stanfurdium"- carp, paraphrased
Bandwagons are fun- that's why people get on them in the first place.
by natteringnabob on Aug 5, 2011 11:24 PM EDT up reply actions
Ugh. On twitter, people are getting mad and irrationally reacting to Cliff Lee having a brain fart and forgetting Buster Posey’s name for a second (mid sentence). He says “Posey”. The tweets I’ve seen are pretty dumb. Mad Giants fans I guess?
"They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds." - Wilt Chamberlain
Nah, you just can’t say anything negative about Buster Posey around them. He’s Saint Baseball to them. Or something.
If you need any proof of this, check out the comment thread in yesterday’s The Franchise recap.
Writer at SB Nation's Philadelphia Union blog, The Brotherly Game. Follow me on Twitter.
It’s twitter, isn’t dumb and over reaction required?
by SportingFanaticism on Aug 5, 2011 4:02 PM EDT up reply actions
Yeah if yesterday showed anything it’s that a lot of Giants fans flip the lid if even the smallest negative thing is said about Posey. I’m not sure of the reason for this. I mean it’s not like a Bonds situation where they feel they have to defend the guy. The national media loves him.
Welcome to the City of Brotherly Love, now GTFO
by Veni Vidi Vici on Aug 5, 2011 4:36 PM EDT up reply actions
Not just eggs, yo.
Eggs AND avocado! What a chef!
Matt Cain: He'll save children, but not the Dodger children.
I call him gerald. he’s a pristine white handkerchief, though? nediB eoJ Joe Biden ‽ Joe Biden.
I made a mean eggs and toast the other day. I should so open my own restaurant.
Welcome to the City of Brotherly Love, now GTFO
by Veni Vidi Vici on Aug 5, 2011 4:44 PM EDT up reply actions
Eggs without avacados?
That’s bush league, brah!
by JamesFromPhilly on Aug 5, 2011 6:16 PM EDT up reply actions
Eggs and avocado= incredibly delicious combination. Put some salsa and cheese on it and roll it into a breakfast burrito. Omnomnomnom
Let's go eat...a triceratops. /velociraptor'd
by LeepinLizardz on Aug 5, 2011 6:15 PM EDT up reply actions
Yum- you’re making me hungry!
"Valdez can pitch, Lee can hit... and pigs can fly."
by dannijd on Aug 5, 2011 6:53 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
Barry Zito is not in Arizona during the ASG. He’s in the kitchen making eggs (seriously, they show that). While he’s at the stove, Zito admits that he thinks about opening his own restaurant and being the chef.
AND avocado! Look out, Michelin!
My son, so I'm told. And this stalwart young lad (Hi, free f.p. #14!).
False
Avocado does not make chocolate better (bacon does)
Bacon or Chocolate makes any food better
by SportingFanaticism on Aug 5, 2011 4:23 PM EDT up reply actions
and BBQ. And Tobasco sauce.
Welcome to the City of Brotherly Love, now GTFO
by Veni Vidi Vici on Aug 5, 2011 4:35 PM EDT up reply actions
I would disagree with those – tobasco i can see – a bit (i can’t take so much spice) but barbque sauce soaked asparagus doesn’t sound good
bacon wrapped asparagus is awesome sauce
by SportingFanaticism on Aug 5, 2011 4:45 PM EDT up reply actions
Unfortunately, this is not a show about the Phillies. (Though if they do one, you better believe I’ll write about it.)
I’m not sure if this was intended sarcasm, or not, but if not, note that you’d need a time machine. 2009’s MLB Network feature was The Pen and it was on the Phils. (I now fear I will be held for 1st degree joke murder, and that you wrote about it incessantly on another blog that I do not follow).
Hunter Pence will not guarantee a WS, but, then, neither does Carlos Beltran.
Manslaughter – at worst
(PS Sbnation – your ‘ad’ that encircles the web page and is an active link is infuriating – I know it’s not TGP’s fault – and I understand ’advertising dollars – but the WHOLE thing being an active link is insane)
by SportingFanaticism on Aug 5, 2011 5:03 PM EDT up reply actions
Work Computer :)
Point is that I understand the ‘need’ for advertising but certain things just are common sense (I think)
Like philly.com – ever read a sports article on philly.com and then check your history? Freaking thing reloads or something and my ENTIRE last 15-20 ‘history’ pages is that stupid philly.com article. I don’t read philly.com any more because of its pollution (and partnership with the worst sports writing on the internet)
by SportingFanaticism on Aug 5, 2011 5:21 PM EDT up reply actions
I’m definitely aware that the Phillies did The Pen back in 2009. I never saw any of the episodes, I can’t find them online, and I don’t know if they’re replayed anywhere. So rest assured I’ve never written about it. If I can ever get my hands on any episodes of The Pen, I definitely will, though.
Somebody did though
http://www.walkoffwalk.com/2009/06/cinema-varitek-the-pen-episode.html
by SportingFanaticism on Aug 5, 2011 5:16 PM EDT up reply actions
that write-up is pretty funny. Love the subtitles for the Cholly and Rube screen shots. How great would it have been if Cholly’s appearances were subtitled in the actual show?
Hey – I’ve seen people speaking english subtitled before. Iron Chef America subtitles morimoto and I always understand what he’s saying
by SportingFanaticism on Aug 5, 2011 5:42 PM EDT up reply actions
And the voice they use to dub over Morimoto always sounds so cheesy.
Let's go eat...a triceratops. /velociraptor'd
by LeepinLizardz on Aug 5, 2011 6:17 PM EDT up reply actions
I think...
That Lincecum sticking around while Wilson played the guitar in his man thong says more about Lincecum than it does about Wilson.
Also...
I read that thread yesterday with a bunch of Giants’ fans getting their panties in a knot because they perceived Posey was being criticized…
Thin skinned much?
I’ve read much worse on other websites about Phillies’ players and just chortled that they seemed to hate the Phils’ players so much.
I just don’t get the rabid attack on any naysayer of Posey. I mean, holy crap, another team doesn’t like your players. Stop the presses.
That’s my biggest knock on Giants fans as a group. They seem to be very irritated when someone says something about them or their team that is critical. They can be fun, but also extremely thin-skinned. Except for Grant Brisbee. He’s awesome no matter what.
Example of Giant fan thin-skinnedness: Criticizing people who think Posey could have handled the Cousins incident better, Phillies fans angry at Bochy for using Halladay and Lee before his pitchers (I don’t disagree with Giants fans in theory, but I mean seriously, the way some have handled it, you would think that they think we think Bochy took a rifle and shot both their arms; only 38.25% of idiot Phillie fans feel that way), Charlie Manuel’s “good, not great” quote a week ago in regards to the Giants pitchers (which is really all subjective; I mean at what point do you transcend good to become great? Does Charlie Manuel limit great to top 5 pitchers in the league this year? If that’s the case, he’s not wrong), etc.
Writer at SB Nation's Philadelphia Union blog, The Brotherly Game. Follow me on Twitter.
So now in addition to statistical analysis, sarcasm, snark, poetry, screenplays, short stories, advice columns, parody, satire, visual arts, we now feature TV reviews.
This site is the best.
The Good Phight, NotGraphs, fun!
Sadly only baseball related tv reviews huh?
no mention of my lone book review :(
by SportingFanaticism on Aug 5, 2011 7:21 PM EDT up reply actions
Really?
I am a Giants fan coming to you in peace. Seriously. Please do not ban me.
I am a season ticket holder and want to know why are you singling us out and hating so passionately with unrelenting fervor? I appreciate friendly banter like the next guy. But Brian Wilson is a great human being. I’ve met him and he is very respectful and friendly in a the right platform.
He has the most saves of anyone in MLB since 2006. I’m really not trying to talk shit. I’m just wondering why this post is so malicious.
We hadn’t won a World Series in 50+ years. And our team is entertaining whether you like it or not. It’s not our fault Showtime wanted to film us.
Ssory Doc.
Hmmm…are you serious or are you in on the joke?
I mean you used saves like they were important and indicative of goodness.
I’ve yet to see anything that indicates brian wilson is anything but a self promoting douche bag. If you have proof – i’d be happy to bring it to the board.
by SportingFanaticism on Aug 5, 2011 7:40 PM EDT up reply actions
Because it's Sports
You hate the teams that are threats to your team’s success. You hate them even more when they beat you in the NLCS. Most people here don’t actually have anything personally against the Giants or Brian Wilson (I actually like the guy, goofy antics and all). In fact, in the other TV review thread, a lot of the posters here came out and said they actually respect Giants. It’s mostly just that you guys are good, are perceived as a threat in the post-season, and because your players have gotten so much recognition from winning the WS and the story that went along with it… Not that this is completely unique, or wouldn’t have happened to almost any other team. In short, don’t take it seriously. It’s sports. Sports hatred is usually very different from legitimate, human hatred.
by magnumforce2006 on Aug 5, 2011 7:43 PM EDT up reply actions
BAN HIM
I kid, I kid.
Might as well just hand them over.
by All ur Aces R Belong to Us on Aug 5, 2011 8:38 PM EDT up reply actions
Because A) we’re playing the Giants right now, B) the Giants’ victory in the NLCS, C) the Giants are the only franchise with a currently running television “reality” show, D) Cody Ross is a gigantic douche, and E) Brian Wilson is an egotistical windbag.
I don’t think most of us actually hate the Giants. A few do, sure, but mostly our hate is resevred for the Braves and sportswriters. As magnumforce2006 said, mostly it’s because of the perceived need to be better than the Giants in order to succeed in the playoffs.
The only team that I truly hate...
With a passion that goes beyond even a hatred I would hold those who would harm my family… Is the Mets.
by magnumforce2006 on Aug 5, 2011 9:00 PM EDT up reply actions
Now that the Mets are laughably bad (though getting better), I’m sortof Meh towards them. The Braves, though, could finish the season 0-163, and I’d still root for them to fail.
AHHH, MY EYES! MY EYES!
Brian Wilson in spandex!
White Sox Baseball: We're (Still) All Ineffective
Chicago Rush: Central Division Champions
Lol!!!! My thoughts too upon seeing Wilson in that suit- I mean, come on, he doesn’t even have the body to pull that suit off!
"Valdez can pitch, Lee can hit... and pigs can fly."
by dannijd on Aug 5, 2011 9:27 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
Wilson
Am I the only one whose initial reaction to Wilson in spandex is to wonder which new Batman villain he’s supposed to be?
by phillyinportland on Aug 9, 2011 3:49 AM EDT up reply actions
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