Smart, Sensitive Slugger Seeks Sultry Sea Soulmate

Having long since tired of casual romantic encounters, I've decided to cast my net for someone who is in it for the long haul. Although I've searched far and wide for my terrestrial soulmate, I have yet to find a woman who I can bring home to mom. It seems as if the prospects on dry land are, well...dry. But as they always say: there are many fish in the sea -- which is exactly where I am taking my search

A bit about me: I'm a gainfully employed 27-year-old SBM. I'm tall with an athletic build. I've been told that I'm a handsome man and that I bear a slight resemblance to Tiger Woods. I bat and throw right handed and can play four different positions. I have a zest for life and love trying new things. 

Some of my interests include cooking (sea food especially), water sports, yoga, book collecting, learning new languages, left handed pitching, sculpture, French New Wave cinema, Jazz music, and volunteering at oil spill cleanups. 

You will never have to worry about our conversations being dull and uninteresting as I am a true man of letters. I graduated from Stanford University (an esteemed west coast learning institution), where I studied Political Science. What's more, the marine biology course I took as a general requirement makes me particularly sensitive to the culture of sea people. Several of my close college friends are engineers, and I have already put them to work designing a portable mermaid tank so you can travel safely and comfortably. This is not to say that I am unwilling to meet you half way; I love the ocean and own state of the art scuba equipment. I imagine -- if we turn out to be right for each other -- that we would build a quaint home on the beach in gorgeous Clearwater, Florida and eventually start a family of merfolk/human kids.

Things I look for in a mermaid include (but are not limited to) brown hair, green fins, intelligence, adventurousness, and a good sense of humor. 

Preferably I would meet a stunning mermaid princess who shares some of my interests and has an open heart and an open mind, but I would settle for a member of a royal court. 

My turnoffs include mermaids who feel like fishes out of water when trying new things, are poor communicators, and are overly needy. Between the months of April and November I am traveling frequently due to my job, so you must be independent and comfortable spending long periods of time apart.

I understand that human-merfolk relationships are frowned upon in our society, with many states taking steps to ban such marriages. But who ever said that Cupid doesn't own a harpoon gun? I believe that true love knows no shape, creed, color, gender, or species. Moreover, I can sympathize with the merfolk's plight of being caught between the fish world and the human world while being accepted by members of neither. For the last year I have been accepted by members of neither the platoon player community nor the everyday player community. Let's turn this shared pain into something beautiful.

If you like what you read and the prospect of sharing a life with me intrigues you, please do not hesitate to contact me. It's time for something deeper.

Sincerely, 

John

SB Nation Featured Video
X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join The Good Phight

You must be a member of The Good Phight to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at The Good Phight. You should read them.

Join The Good Phight

You must be a member of The Good Phight to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at The Good Phight. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker