THE SHARP SHOOTER [a hyper-link'd poem about Dom Brown]

by Wet Luzinski on Jan 10, 2012 7:00 AM EST

With my deepest apologies to Ted Kooser.

"...if the painter shows that he observes more than he reflects, we will forget the limitation and take his work as we take nature, which if it does not think, is yet the cause of thought in us." ---The Evening Post, New York, May 31, 1865

1. SHARP SHOOTER

(A Minor Leaguer by the sink)

Some part of ball is the art

of balling---the phone

clutched in the left hand
like a magical bat,
his potential frozen in time.

This is a picture of

posing: the six-pack

on the tummy so toned

under the sparkly
thinbling'd necklace, the shirt
opened amidst the beige
curtain of the bathtub,
and this young playa among
the pump handsoaps,
his eyes as off-center as a bead
on a liner,
just a smidgen of fight
in his one unbroke hand,
like a star you might see
at the ballpark,
if he don't screw it up.

Winslow-homer-sharp-shooter-1862-harpers-weekly_370472651761_medium

via 2.bp.blogspot.com

Tweet Comment 43 comments | 5 recs |

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Comments

what a douche

by rolo 9 on Jan 10, 2012 8:51 AM EST reply actions

Cmon now. It was for his adult friend finder profile pic.

by Boundforbeach on Jan 10, 2012 9:22 AM EST via mobile up reply actions

’puter herpes.

by j reed on Jan 10, 2012 9:24 AM EST up reply actions

Likes: Milk steak, hand soaps, being lazy
Dislikes: Hunter Pence, left field, people’s knees

Some people don't think it be what it is, but it do.

by TheOrangeCone on Jan 10, 2012 1:28 PM EST via mobile up reply actions

Thanks for sharing

http://www.thegoodphight.com

by WholeCamels on Jan 10, 2012 9:26 AM EST up reply actions

No, no, we’ve been over this. He’s a PipeWiener™.

by Wet Luzinski on Jan 10, 2012 9:30 PM EST up reply actions

Who's a bigger douche? The douche or the douche who mocks him?

Some people don't think it be what it is, but it do.

by TheOrangeCone on Jan 11, 2012 7:24 PM EST up reply actions

this is the year he turns it around

"Start playing with some jam in here"

by CoburnsCuddleBuddy on Jan 10, 2012 9:39 AM EST reply actions

Takes a picture of his back?

by Cormican on Jan 10, 2012 11:03 AM EST up reply actions 7 recs

HAHA!

by j reed on Jan 10, 2012 11:16 AM EST up reply actions

You win one (1) rec.

http://www.thegoodphight.com

by WholeCamels on Jan 10, 2012 11:29 AM EST up reply actions

And 2, 2 recs. Ah, ha, ha!

"I wouldn’t run if there was a fire. I wouldn’t run anywhere. I hate running." - O. Munn

by doubleh on Jan 10, 2012 11:44 AM EST up reply actions

by Wet Luzinski on Jan 12, 2012 12:26 AM EST up reply actions

As always, awesome!

by David S. Cohen on Jan 10, 2012 10:03 AM EST reply actions

Is this like a thing? For previously injured major league outfielders to take half-naked pictures of themselves with their iPhones in their bathroom? (Ah, Grady Sizemore!)

Moyer for 5th Starter in 2012.

by Missing Jamie Moyer on Jan 10, 2012 10:26 AM EST reply actions

somebody run the david wright trade by me again?

Because that ridiculous photo may be the thing that finally turns me against Dom.

by taco pal on Jan 10, 2012 10:33 AM EST reply actions 1 recs

Look on the bright side. At least he’s not living beyond his means. That bathroom is horrid, replete with a mirrored outlet cover. The 70s called, and they want their powder room back.

by Boundforbeach on Jan 10, 2012 10:46 AM EST up reply actions

Not to play off gender stereotypes… okay, that’s exactly what I’m doing…. but that definitely looks like a woman’s bathroom. Maybe he’s at his mom’s house?

http://www.thegoodphight.com

by WholeCamels on Jan 10, 2012 11:42 AM EST up reply actions

Yeah, no man has a beaded shower curtain.

"I wouldn’t run if there was a fire. I wouldn’t run anywhere. I hate running." - O. Munn

by doubleh on Jan 10, 2012 11:45 AM EST up reply actions

Liberace maybe.

by j reed on Jan 14, 2012 5:25 PM EST up reply actions

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t count.

Some people don't think it be what it is, but it do.

by TheOrangeCone on Jan 14, 2012 7:07 PM EST up reply actions

I have suit in mind but darling, that shower curtain

…feh. no, no, no. But that reminds me — no capes.

by j reed on Jan 10, 2012 10:59 AM EST reply actions

Well this throws a crimp in the Marvel’d line-up I’ve been inking because now Dom is so Luke Cage -ing it.

worst costume evar.

by j reed on Jan 10, 2012 11:15 AM EST reply actions

holy fuck I throw out Luke Cage ref. and it didn’t spawn a tangent comic thread. smh.

by j reed on Jan 14, 2012 5:21 PM EST up reply actions

I concur. Disappointing. What has become of SportingFanaticism?

by Wet Luzinski on Jan 20, 2012 12:00 AM EST up reply actions

Instant classic

"Sometimes, the balls that fall in are jam shots"...Hunter Pence, on BABIP

by Joecatz on Jan 10, 2012 11:16 AM EST reply actions

If only Pat the Bat were still on the team…

Follow @Michael_Levin

Liberty Ballers

by Michael Levin on Jan 10, 2012 2:02 PM EST reply actions

Now that I’ve reconciled myself to Pat being truly gone, Dom Brown is now the Most Poetic Phillie.

by Wet Luzinski on Jan 10, 2012 9:31 PM EST up reply actions

Theres something very sad, melancholy

http://www.thegoodphight.com

by WholeCamels on Jan 10, 2012 11:19 PM EST up reply actions

Hmm, this indeed. Odd to meditate a bit on this image, but when I boil it down it is either part of a series of self-portraits in the lady bathrooms of sexual conquests, a loss in a bet he was ill-advised to take, or, as noted above, bait for an adult dating site. None of them inspires confidence.

by Wet Luzinski on Jan 11, 2012 11:43 PM EST up reply actions

What exactly is the provenance of this photo anyway? He doesn’t have twitter, right? Did somebody hack his computer? Did he text it to a lady, Anthony Weiner style?

by taco pal on Jan 12, 2012 12:03 AM EST up reply actions

Link, which references Twitter and Facebook.

by Wet Luzinski on Jan 12, 2012 12:29 AM EST up reply actions

Doesn’t help much, since it doesn’t say whose twitter or fb.

by Cormican on Jan 12, 2012 9:11 AM EST up reply actions

Wish I had abs like that

Some guy at PSU Hershey Med Center just discovered a virus that eats cancer. Where were the CNN trucks for that? THON will probably break $10 mil this year. Put that on "Outside the Lines".

by Ben16 on Jan 10, 2012 2:41 PM EST reply actions

TBH, while he’s clearly very cut-up there, I don’t think that physique is a good look at all and I wouldn’t want to copy it. Something about it is weird and off.

Or maybe it’s just his facial expression. Melancholy is part of it, but there’s more to it than that. It gives off this vague foreboding sense that something unspeakable has just happened outside the camera lens.

by taco pal on Jan 12, 2012 12:02 AM EST up reply actions

The asymmetrical abs are bothersome as well.

by Wet Luzinski on Jan 12, 2012 12:27 AM EST up reply actions

The whole thing is just creepy.

by taco pal on Jan 12, 2012 12:35 AM EST up reply actions

well it looks like he’s leaning a bit to one side, so perhaps as the opposing side’s musculature has to do more work and therefore is tensed more it looks different? Besides no one is perfectly anatomically symmetrical.

by j reed on Jan 14, 2012 5:39 PM EST up reply actions