Happy New Year! The Phillies Headlines of 2012
by David S. Cohen on Jan 11, 2012 10:04 AM EST
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PrintIt’s several days late, but I thought I'd do something here I've done elsewhere on the interwebs in my other life. I encourage you to join in and post your own below in the comments.
Here I’m going to give you four headlines for the upcoming year, all related to the Phillies. They fall in the bolded categories below.
Headline I’m most fearful of seeing in 2012: Cole Hamels Signs 5 Year, $100 Million Contract Extension; Suffers Dave Dravecky-esque Injury Hours Later
Headline I most want to see in 2012: Aging Phillies Roster Has Fewest Days Lost to Injury of All MLB Teams
Headline I most expect to see in 2012: Phillies Win NL East for Sixth Consecutive Year
Headline I least expect to see in 2012: New York Mets Challenge Phillies for First Place Down the Stretch
May all your Phillies dreams come true in 2012! (And all your Phillies nightmares be avoided!)
Happy New Year!
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Nightmare
Phillies trade Vance Worley, Domonic Brown, and Phillippe Aumont for David Wright, who promptly breaks his ankle literally right after signing the contract and is forced to retire.
by The Howling Fantods on Jan 11, 2012 10:30 AM EST reply actions 1 recs
I'll double down on this and suggest:
Phillies trade Vance Worley, Domonic Brown, and Phillippe Aumont for David Wright. Phillies sign Wright to new 5 year $90mm contract. Turns out Citi wasn’t his problem, he continues his fade, except for early 2014 when he enjoys a BABIP fueled resurgence. Ruben strikes while the iron is hot and trades uber prospects Mikel Franco, Larry Greene, plus Chace Numata for John Danks.
Nightmare
Phillies trade Vance Worley, Domonic Brown, and Phillippe Aumont for David Wright.
by JorgeSantos on Jan 11, 2012 11:01 AM EST reply actions 1 recs
Wishful thinking
May 16th 2012: Achillies no Heel for Howard Back with a Bang: Ryan Howard returned with a bang in Chicago, going 4-5 with three Home Runs against the Cubs and Chris Volstadt.
(note..I arbitrarily picked May 16th without looking at the phils schedule, to my surprise….)
August 1st, 2012: Phils stand Pat at deadline: After the unexpected resignation of Ruben Amaro jr. last month, Phillies interim GM Pat Gillick bucked recent trends by mostly staying out of the mix for a blockbuster deadline aquisition at yesterdays trade deadline…
AUGUST 31st 2012: Chasing history: Utley aims to be first triple crown winner in 45 years. The Rumors of his demise were greatly exagerated, But as Chase Utley, he of the .366 average, 28 Hr’s and 82 RBi’s will attest, it never entered his mind. “Whatever” was Utleys respose when pressed…
"Sometimes, the balls that fall in are jam shots"...Hunter Pence, on BABIP
by Joecatz on Jan 11, 2012 11:16 AM EST reply actions 4 recs
This would be awesome because my son’s birthday is May 16th and he loves Ryan Howard. I hope you’re prescient.
"I wouldn’t run if there was a fire. I wouldn’t run anywhere. I hate running." - O. Munn
No joke, I typed the arbitrary date with the idea for the headline and then checked the schedule to see who we played…
Bank it. So says #Catstradamus
"Sometimes, the balls that fall in are jam shots"...Hunter Pence, on BABIP
In spirit bro. In spirit.
"Sometimes, the balls that fall in are jam shots"...Hunter Pence, on BABIP
Will it be Hot Ibanez Spirit, Cold Ibanez Spirit, or Smells Like Teen Spirit?
Bob.
by The Dark on Jan 12, 2012 11:40 AM EST via Android app up reply actions
Rec’d. I would love to see Utley bounce back: Triple Crown. Triple Fucking Crown.
by Cole_Hamels_Can on Jan 11, 2012 9:39 PM EST up reply actions
The first predictions of #catstradamus are among the joys of January.
by Wet Luzinski on Jan 11, 2012 10:58 PM EST up reply actions
I felt the same way about the brown poem.
"Sometimes, the balls that fall in are jam shots"...Hunter Pence, on BABIP
But seriously, where the heck is PF and his prospect roundup? That’s when I’ll know we’ve turned the corner
"Sometimes, the balls that fall in are jam shots"...Hunter Pence, on BABIP
PF has said he will be doing one.
This has the reporting dates for all 30 clubs — I didn’t really know there was this much of a range. Anyway, 38 days until Phils’ pitchers and catchers report on Feb 19. The Phillies are actually one of the early ones. The only team reporting earlier is Seattle, a full week earlier on Feb. 12, one month from today.
-------
Celebrating over 50 years of slightly more Phils wins than losses: 1961-2011
Rec’d, although it’s more likely that Utley sat silently and Cliff Lee answered “whatever” on his behalf.
that was supposed to be a reply to Joecatz
by topherstarr on Jan 11, 2012 11:28 AM EST up reply actions
01 July 2012: Young Phillies superstar Domonic Brown earns first All Star game selection; agrees to compete in HR Derby
29 Aug 2012: Do mess with the Johan: Phillies win as Mets challenge all time futility record
01 Aug 2012: Phillies prove they care about winning, trade Trevor May, Freddy Galvis and Kyrell Hudson for Right Handed power bat to play third
Headline I most want to see in 2012:
Phillies win world series!
(Seriously all that other stuff is nice, but why would this NOT be the headline EVERYONE wants to see in 2012)
Not imaginative enough for me. How about “Phillies Complete First Four Game Shutout Sweep of Yankees for World Series Win. Jeter Calls Phillies His Daddy.”
by Cormican on Jan 11, 2012 5:05 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
That plus, "…after going 0-15 with 15 strikeouts Arod blows his brains out, autopsy reveals he is part Centaur.
by Cole_Hamels_Can on Jan 11, 2012 9:42 PM EST up reply actions
Hurt myself. Part centaur?
Why look'st thou so?' -"With my crossbow
I shot the Albatross."
by RememberthePhitans on Jan 11, 2012 9:48 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
Are you saying he’d be all Centaur?
by Cole_Hamels_Can on Jan 11, 2012 10:23 PM EST up reply actions
How do we know he’s centaur at all? Couldn’t he just as easily be part goat or part demon or part archaeopteryx?
That was why it was a headline… it’s one of the few things in Arod’s life he was correct about—-even a broken clock…
by Cole_Hamels_Can on Jan 11, 2012 10:32 PM EST up reply actions
June 19 2012: NBA Finals MVP Jrue Holiday throws out the first pitch at CBP.
Someday in November 2012: Phillies celebrate in World Series parade.
"I quit school in the 6th grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn't spell it."
by secondroundpick on Jan 11, 2012 3:35 PM EST reply actions
Also Someday in November 2012: Chase Utley gets fined by FCC for “World Champions. World F*&king Champions…AGAIN!” utterance at parade.
"I wouldn’t run if there was a fire. I wouldn’t run anywhere. I hate running." - O. Munn
We were locked in the basement in a room we thought had the tunnel to CBP!
Why look'st thou so?' -"With my crossbow
I shot the Albatross."
by RememberthePhitans on Jan 11, 2012 11:21 PM EST up reply actions
Didn’t see this before I posted above.
by Cole_Hamels_Can on Jan 11, 2012 9:43 PM EST up reply actions
At Citizens Bank Park, Dom Brownies Selling Like Hotcakes
Tastykake Struggles to Keep Fans Fed with New Tribute Product to Hot Young Outfielder
Philadelphia, PA (AP) – What began as a wishful wintry online joke on a Phillies fan website has snowballed instead into sweet, gooey profits for Tastykake Baking Company as the 2012 Phillies baseball season rolls along in Philadelphia.
This season, Phillies fans are celebrating each win with Tastykake’s new product, “Dom Brownies,” named after its young phenom leftfielder, currently among the major leagues’ leading hitters.
The baking company, which had recently reformulated its brownie product in late 2011, worked with the Phillies to rename the product after it discovered that many of its fans who follow the team on blogs and social media websites were celebrating the teams’ early season wins with the slogan, “Great game…let’s go eat Dom Brownies!” – especially as Brown, 24, featured prominently in many of the team’s wins with a thrilling string of late-game heroics and clutch hits.
The saying built on that of teammate and fellow outfielder Hunter Pence, who captured Phillies’ fans imagination with his own postgame quip, “Great Game, Let’s Go Eat!” after he joined the Phillies from the Houston Astros in the middle of 2011.
While the Phillies have been no stranger to winning regularly over the past few years, Brown has provided a fresh spark to an otherwise veteran team on a mission to return and win the World Series.
by Wet Luzinski on Jan 11, 2012 11:32 PM EST reply actions 7 recs
This made me so happy when I read it. Like inexplicably so.
Some people don't think it be what it is, but it do.
by TheOrangeCone on Jan 11, 2012 11:49 PM EST up reply actions
And a byproduct of the above….more profitability for our friends at Tasty Baking!
/did not know until now that Flowers Foods now owns it, and according to the Flowers Foods website investor relations section, Tastykake is coming to the Southeast! A great “real” 2012 headline!
GMAT verbal section question, Philadelphia sports version.
In 2015, which one of the following will prove to be a better investment?
(a) Ilya Bryzgalov's contract (b) Ryan Howard's extension (c) Mike Vick's extension (d) Greek bonds from 2009 (e) Papelbon's bloat deal
yes but shhh, they’re owned by an Atlanta-based company #shrugs
by Wet Luzinski on Jan 12, 2012 12:10 AM EST up reply actions
Actually, I knew about Flowers when I taught in Georgia.
/The people in Thomasville would react to being called “Atlanta-based” the way Wilkes-Barre or maybe even Erie citizens would like being called “from Philadelphia”
GMAT verbal section question, Philadelphia sports version.
In 2015, which one of the following will prove to be a better investment?
(a) Ilya Bryzgalov's contract (b) Ryan Howard's extension (c) Mike Vick's extension (d) Greek bonds from 2009 (e) Papelbon's bloat deal
I’ve heard multiple people say that ever since the takeover, Tastykakes haven’t been as tasty as they once were. I myself can neither confirm nor deny this. It could be some sort of placebo-type thing going on, but maybe not.
I would not be surprised about this, either way (poorer quality or placebo are both possible).
GMAT verbal section question, Philadelphia sports version.
In 2015, which one of the following will prove to be a better investment?
(a) Ilya Bryzgalov's contract (b) Ryan Howard's extension (c) Mike Vick's extension (d) Greek bonds from 2009 (e) Papelbon's bloat deal
This is precisely why they need a h/t product to a local folk hero before negotiations between Pat Burrell and Ding Dongs heat up.
by Wet Luzinski on Jan 12, 2012 12:20 AM EST up reply actions
Yo, Ding Dong, man. Ding Dong. Ding Dong, yo.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2mU6USTBRE
"I wouldn’t run if there was a fire. I wouldn’t run anywhere. I hate running." - O. Munn
TastyKakes have been in North Carolina for ~5 years. Difference is, when it was owned by Tasty Baking the quality was shit. Half the time I bought them they were moldy, if they weren’t moldy they were stale. I think maybe 3 times I bought them and they were edible. Plus the marketing was half assed. Now with Forest, the quality is as good as what I grew up with, they actually market them and they’re universally available (unlike before where they’d be available at Walmart for a week, then you couldn’t find them anywhere for 3 months)
One more
Halladay Notches Second Perfecto, only needs 27 pitches, game over in 1:15.
I have a feeling this year’s over/under/never will be hilarious
Bob.
by The Dark on Jan 12, 2012 10:07 PM EST via Android app up reply actions
----------------------------------------There'll be some
—————————————————————————————-fans prayin’—————————————————————————————————————————————heartbreakin’———————————————————————————————————————————————————————-fist shakin’——-ohhh 
———————————————————————————————————————————————————————bed crappin’——-ohhh—————————————————————————————————————————————bitch slappin’—————————————————————————————mock choppin’———what’s it gonna be cuz we can’t pretend
by j reed on Jan 14, 2012 5:01 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
click links in the following order:
starting with fans prayin’ (I’m sampling this chorus but it’s obviously altered for the purpose of this piece) moving right to fist shakin’ (music-wise, 3 people here may like it or even heard of the band but, the video and the music combination – it’s well worth it.) and then to the first ohhh link (Japanese awesomeness, part I). Next, go to the second ohhh (Japanese awesomeness part II. Sorry Roy O. I’m using blindness as a metaphor for historical selective perception) and then click bed crappin’ link (maybe 3 people here will like the music but the video is an amazing piece of animation art.) and from there move left .
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