According to the estimable Ken Rosenthal, the St. Louis Cardinals have signed Ty Wigginton.

Source: Wigginton agrees to two-year contract with #STLCards. Total will be in $5M range. Gives team RH bat, versatility.

— Ken Rosenthal (@Ken_Rosenthal) December 14, 2012

You are not hallucinating. The Cardinals have supposedly signed Wigginton to a two year contract. Two years. Two!

Of course, Wigginton wasn't going to be back with the Phillies in 2013 regardless. They declined his $4m club option because, well, let's call a spade a spade. He was bad. He hit .235/.314/.375 in 360 plate appearances, and then of course there's his atrocious fielding. Wigginton made $4m in 2012, but only half of that was paid by the Phillies. The Rockies kicked in the other half as part of the trade that brought him to Philadelphia.

Seriously, how the fuck does Ty Wigginton keep getting work? How? A walrus in a hat and a jersey would be more effective. I want to work in an industry where you can suck badly at your job and still find someone to pay you to do it again and again.