With apologies to Lewis Carroll and all the writers here who I hope have really really really robust senses of humor.
The Slayn of the Jape
Top of the First – The Banding
"Just the place for a Jape!" the Blog Lord cried,
As he banded his crew with care;
Supporting each writer on the front of the page
By a mouse finger up in the air.
"Just the place for a Jape! I have said it twice:
That alone should encourage the crew.
Just the place for a Jape! I have said it thrice:
What I tell you three times is true."
The crew was complete: it included a Poet--
A maker of Verses and Rhymes--
Some Barristers, brought to keep logic afloat--
And a Schmenkman, to value the times.
There was also a Roscher, that recapped some games,
Or would plead for a deal for the Cole:
And had often (the Blog Lord said) called them some names,
Though none of them out of control.
There was one who was famed for the number of things
He forgot when he entered the blog:
His morals, his scruples, faux World Series rings,
Though he brought his own bottle of grog.
He had forty-two posts, all carefully phrased,
With his name printed clearly on each:
But, since he forgot in the midst of his daze,
They were always just out of his reach.
The loss of these posts hardly mattered, because
He had seven new ones when he came,
With three new fan shots--but the worst of it was,
He had wholly forgotten his name.
He would answer to "Hi!" or to any loud cry,
Such as "Fry me!" or "Fritter my knee!"
To "Clash of the Titans!" or "Remember the Phitans!"
But especially, for short, "RTP!"
"His prose is quite snappy --his intellect tall--"
(So the Blog Lord would often relate)
"And his courage is perfect! And that, after all,
Is the thing that one needs with a Jape."
He would tussle with Barves fans, returning their stares
With an impudent piece of op ed.
And he once went a walk, paw-in-paw, with a bear,
"Just to keep up its spirits," he said.
He came as a Baker: but owned, when too late--
And it drove the poor Blog Lord half-mad--
He could only bake cheesesteaks--for which, I may state,
No materials were to be had.
The last of the crew needs a hero’s red cape,
Though he looked so incredibly cold:
He had just one idea--but, that one being "Jape,"
The good Blog Lord brought him to the fold.
He came as a Butcher: but gravely declared,
When typing a recap last week,
He could only kill Lawers. The Blog Lord looked scared,
And was almost too frightened to speak:
But at length he explained, in a tremulous tone,
There were only twelve Lawyers aboard;
And that was the dozen he had of his own,
Whose deaths would be deeply deplored.
The Lawyers, who happened to hear him relate,
Protested, with tears in their eyes,
That not even the rapture of slayn the Jape
Could atone for that dismal surprise!
They strongly advised that the Butcher should be
Quarantined to a separate site:
But the Blog Lord declared that would never agree
With the plans he had made for the Phight:
SBNation was always a difficult art,
Though with only his blog going well:
And he feared he must really decline, for his part,
Undertaking another as well.
The Lawyers’ best course was, no doubt, to procure
A second-hand, tough, snark-proof coat--
So the Baker advised it-- and next, to insure
Its life in some Office of note:
Yet still, ever after that sorrowful day,
Whenever the Butcher was by,
The Lawyers kept looking the opposite way,
And appeared unaccountably shy.