The Biggest Loser: Phillies Edition

Thumpity thump thump, thumpity thump thump! - Doug Pensinger

If Delmon Young starts stuffing his face marginally less, he'll get a big fat bonus! Wait, let me rephrase that.

The Phillies are becoming a reality show a lot quicker than I anticipated they would...which was never, but that's besides the point.

In the wake of the Phillies' signing of Delmon Young to a 1-year, $750,000 incentive-laden deal, new details are being released about just how laden with incentives this contract actually is. According to Matt Gelb of the Inquirer, the Phillies have included bonuses into Young's contract that will be determined by his weight over the course of Spring Training and possibly into the regular season. Yes, the Phillies will be paying Delmon Young to be less out of shape.

At the weigh-in for his physical on Tuesday, Young topped out at 238 pounds. Young admitted to not taking care of his body properly during his tenure with Detroit, acknowledging that his role as a DH provided less motivation for him to take care of his body. "When I knew I wasn't going to see the field," Young said, "you can eat just a little bit extra."

Young stands to earn up to $600,000 extra if he loses the right amount of weight. He will be weighed in 6 times over the course of the season at the Phillies' discretion, and if he makes weight each time, he will earn $100,000. For his first three weigh-ins, he must not exceed 230 pounds. For the last three, he must not exceed 235 pounds.

What...what is this? Is this how baseball works now? Is this what the offseason and Hot Stove are all about for the Phillies? Let me break it down for you folks. The Phillies--and more specifically, Ruben Amaro, Jr.--are willing to sign an underachieving, slightly immature, and mildly racist former #1 draft pick with a bum ankle to play right field every day (instead of his native left field) and pay him an extra $600,000 to lose roughly 10 pounds (even less than that if you consider the net loss by the last weigh-in). Meanwhile, both Domonic Brown's and Darin Ruf's future just became a little more opaque. Meanwhile, the Braves are currently in serious negotiations with Arizona for Justin Upton! Yeah, they're attempting to acquire a top-of-the-line right fielder in his prime while the Phillies are attempting to convince a fat, injured anti-Semitic left-fielder to keep the Ring-Dings out of his face for a few months so he can play in right.

Yeah...makes perfect sense.

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