Roster and Coaching moves: Old Habits Die hard

Just when I thought I was out...they pull me back IN! - Brian Garfinkel

The Phillies made a number of roster moves today, but theres only one that will spark useless debate and universal scorn across the Delaware Valley. He's back kids. just in time to haunt your offseason dreams.

The Phillies made a few moves today both on the coaching front and to the 40 man roster.

On the coaching front, Juan Samuel and Wally Joyner will both be returning in 2014, in the same capacity as 2013, with Samuel manning the first base box and Joyner returning (after actually leaving last week) as the assistant hitting coach. How Joyner ended up back is unknown at this point, but it's my personal speculation that the timing of the Angels announcing Don Baylor as their hitting coach yesterday, Joyner's ties to them and Southern California and today's announcement that he's returning, coupled with Rubens acknowledgement last week that he was likely to get a bigger job elsewhere as more than coincidence.

In addition the Phillies outrighted Roger Bernadina, Casper Wells, Cesar Jimenez, JC Ramirez and John Lannan off the 40 man roster, which now sits at 35 players, including those on the 60 day DL, and free agents to be Carlos Ruiz and Roy Halladay. Most of these moves were made to clear 40 room space obviously, and none are very surprising.

All five outrighted players could technically end up either in Lehigh Valley off the 40 man or with another team depending on how things shake out.

so thirty five spots on the 40 man...

Huh. We need to do something about that depth says Ruben...

So lets add someone!

oh wait.

Wrong link.

lets try this again...

So lets add someone!

Yeah...

I'm gonna give you all a moment to let that sink in. while I wipe the glass shards off my knuckles.

Before I go any further I want to get one thing straight. I refuse to refer to him by name. Ever. Again. Not in this piece, not in comments, and I encourage you all to do the same. The less his name is mentioned, the more likely they forget they resigned him. got it.

NO ONE MENTIONS HIM BY NAME. NO ONE.

From this day forward he's Voldemort.

Now lets be clear. He's not ON THE 40 MAN. It's not a major league deal, but for F*&K's SAKE RUBEN AT WHAT POINT ARE YOU GOING TO REALIZE THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY PICTURES!!! HE'S LYING!! THERE'S NO SAFETY DEPOSIT BOX "BACK HOME"!!

YOU COME OUT AND SAY A FEW THINGS THAT GIVE US SOME ENCOURAGEMENT, JOE JORDAN OUTLINES A PLAN AND SHIT!

I WAS READY TO START DEFENDING YOU AGAIN BUT THEN YOU GO AND PULL THIS BULLSHIT AND I JUST CAN'T! I CAN'T!!

THOSE WHO FORGET THE PAST ARE DOOMED TO REPEAT IT!!

Look, I'm sure he's a nice enough kid, his parents are probably good people. He sucks at baseball, so you can relate, but HE SUCKS AT BASEBALL!! Like horribly horribly bad. There are pitchers who hit better than him, fat men that run faster, left handed hitters who can hit right handed better than him and righties who can hit left handed better than him.

You are literally better off letting Cliff Lee pinch hit or letting Sandberg play the infield, or getting Ryan Howard to trot out to center field.

and guess what? If he has to step foot on the field in 2014 you might as well put the house up for sale because it means YOU FAILED.

Miserably.

Again.

Okay I feel better.

Now to call Apple and see if the screen I just cracked with my fist is still under warranty.

Wait.

Let me pinch myself.

Nope. Still awake.

It's gonna be a long off season, isn't it?

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