Wait, So Now, Michael Martinez May Not Be On The Phillies Again. I Need Pills.

Brian Garfinkel

As the Twittersphere practically exploded in frustration at the re-signing of Mini-Mart, Phils officials say the team has NOT re-signed the .175/.175/.175 hitter.

Two weeks ago, he was no longer a Phillie.

Last night, he was a Phillie again.

Today, well, not so much.

As Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr and Google Chat and carrier pigeons with index cards in their mouths spread word of Martinez' re-signing last night, Phils fans turned apoplectic.

They couldn't figure out why Ruben Amaro would want a career .187/.234/.261 hitter who can play multiple positions no better than adequately back on the roster from which he was just removed, and why he has continued to reappear again and again and again and again in Philadelphia.

Alas, it has turned out to be for nothing. But I mean, you could understand why the Phils would want to pounce on Martinez so quickly, given the robust market he is sure to attract.

And why all the outrage for poor 'lil Mr. Martinez? I mean, did he really have anything to do with the disaster of the Phils' 2013 season? By the time he came up, the nuclear bomb had already gone off. All he did was suck in some of the radiation poisoning.

However, rest not on your laurels, Phils fans. There is still time. He could still come back.

In fact, you EXPECT him to come back now, don't you? You weren't at ALL surprised at that erroneous rumor last night, were you?

It seemed perfectly logical to you that Ruben Amaro would re-sign Martinez, just weeks after dropping him from the 40 man roster. Because even though Martinez is nothing more than AAA fodder, you know that he will eventually return to Citizens Bank Park were he to actually be re-signed, while similarly unskilled players like Steve Susdorf get seven Major League at bats and then are never heard from again.

Michael Martinez has come to the plate 396 times in actual Major League baseball games, with real, live pitchers and everything.

It's amazing how baseball can be so unkind to some, and overly generous to others.

Even though Martinez and his presence in the organization likely has no effect on the wins and losses the team will accrue next year, it's still welcome news he isn't coming back.

At least... not until the next solitary tweet that confirms he's signed a three-year deal.

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