Bowa on the Bowa Rumors

I swear to F%^$#%^G God, You better run that OUT! Run you piece of S%^T! RUN!! - USA TODAY Sports

Jim Salisbury is reporting that former shortstop, manager and all around lightning rod Larry Bowa is close to returning to the Phillies as a member of Ryne Sandberg's staff.

Last night, Jim Salisbury reported that former Phillies manager Larry Bowa is close to returning to the team as a Ryne Sandberg's bench coach. Matt Gelb takes it a step further this morning saying the deal is all but done pending a contract.

His piece also goes a long way in illustrating WHY Sandberg wants Bowa, and I recommend reading it.

These rumors have been swirling since September, when Bowa had this to say:

"Let’s just say this: I like what I’m doing," said Bowa, an analyst for the MLB Network since 2011. "Do I miss the game? Yeah. I miss a lot of parts of it. But that’s something that Ryno and Ruben Amaro and David Montgomery have to figure it out."

I'll be honest here. The reason I like this has eerything to do with the material Larry Bowa will provide me in 2014. And I was so excited about it that I reached out to Larry last night via email, looking for confirmation.

He didn't write back.

But if he did, it would have read something like this:

Hey Jagmuffin,

Is your life so F*&%$ing pathetic that you have nothing better to do on a monday night than e-mail me about coming back to Philly? You realize there's real playoff baseball on right now? Like I'm gonna waste my air on some two bit pencil-necked c*&%^@*#er hiding behind some website writing about a shitty baseball team? Really? How old are you Kimosabe? Huh? Shouldn't you be in bed trying to get your d*&k up and satisfying your wife right now? I bet you can't do it. cause you're a fat piece of s^%t with oncoming diabetes, right? when's the last time you went for a jog, you stupid F^%k!

But you know what, I'm gonna go ahead and play your little what if game here. IF I did take the job, and it's a big IF still, I can guaran-F*&^ing-tee you there's gonna be some changes to that piss-ant group of supermodel divas toot F&*^%^g sweet!

Rollins is gonna start husting or I'll shove a bat so far up his ass he'll be eating soup for a month.

Howard's gonna learn how to lay off a g*&d-d%$m breaking ball in the dirt or so help me god I'll shove my foot so far up his face those gigantic nostrils of his will look like earing holes on a gay pirate.

If Papelbon doesn't shut his f&^%$*g mouth,  I swear on Vuke's grave I will f*&t f%&k his ass up and down sideways till he begs me to send him to Lehigh Valley. I'm not f&*^%$G kidding around here. That d*&^$%t hayseed piece of crap is a f^&%$&*g disgrace to the game. I'm gonna make him cry. That's my goal. I wan't see tears of blood dripping down the side of his Frankenstein looking face.

And these kids are gonna learn how to show up to practice and shag balls, and trust me when I say this there won't be any Tino Martinez s^%t going on on my watch. These idiots don't have the balls to pull that s$#t with me. They try and get in my face, they'll be on the first bus to a life working at foot locker before they can say SCOTT ROLEN IS A C*&K SUCKING MOTHER F&^%$*G A%S GRABBING J%$Z GUZZLING NO GOOD SON OF A....

Oh I can't wait. I can't F%^&$%^G wait, you little jizzweed. You and all your dork buddies are gonna be pissed you messed with me way back when cause I'm back, and I'm gonna kick some ass and take some names. You can quote me on that.

Go F&%K Yourself, or your wife, whichever gets your nuts off,

Bowa

I for one can't wait either.

Catz Out.

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