(Many thanks to the estimable Jason Collette for originally tweeting this link into the ether so we can all enjoy its utter ridiculousness.)
I wish someone had warned me that it was Crazy Phillies Trade Rumors Week. I could have girded my loins more strongly.
Hot on the heels of Howard Eskin's "report"/"rumor"/"entirely made up thing" about a Dom Brown for Jose Bautista trade comes one that is somehow even more ridiculous. More ridiculous than something that involves Howard Eskin, you ask? Hard to believe, but true. Listen below as several gentlemen from Tampa Bay sports radio station WDAE discuss a Ryan Howard for David Price rumor. No, I'm not lying. I promise.
See!? I wasn't making it up!
The source of this rumor is "a friend from Philly", and the friend has "the Phillies eating roughly half of Ryan Howard's contract...the Rays want a catching or first base prospect as well."
The clip is interesting, as it's apparent that the guys on the show don't think it's a terrible idea. One of them points out that Howard is yet one more year removed from Achilles surgery and would presumably be better than he was in 2013. (It doesn't seem like they're aware of the torn meniscus that ended his season in July.) They also think that Ryan Howard could get some butts in the seats of Tropicana Field, which... I'm not sure why anyone thinks that, really. The Rays have Evan Longoria and David Price on their team, two of the best baseball players in the game right now, and far more relevant than Ryan Howard.
Ryan Howard for David Price. Ryan Howard for David Price?! Is this how Hot Stove season works now? You hear something somewhere and it's automatically an actual thing that could happen? Have we collectively lowered the bar on the definition of "source"?! If that's true, then hey! I have something! I heard my "source", AKA a random guy at the pizza place down the street, talking yesterday about trading Derek Jeter for Mike Trout. "The Angels'd be getting Derek fucking Jeter! He's a franchise builder! The Angels need someone like that, that Pujols guy isn't going to cut it. It makes so much sense!" said the guy before he crammed an entire garlic knot in his mouth.
Early in that clip, they ask a guy named Derek what he thinks of the trade. He says very matter-of-factly "The pieces make sense but the trade would be stupid." Say no more, Derek. You had me at "stupid." Yes, I know, I'm being rather glib and dismissive. I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that Howard isn't valueless. Yes, his contract is an unwieldy behemoth that will eventually consume the entire franchise as an afternoon snack, but Howard as a player isn't valueless, especially if he were removed from the Phillies and sent to a place that knew how to use him. Getting him out of the field could help, and making sure he never faced another lefty again as long as he lived would definitely help.
So now you're updated on the most recent Phillies rumor to hit the airwaves. Oh look, my brain has started leaking out my ears! I'll leave you with some reaction quotes from your faithful TGP writers.
"I saw 'rumor out of Philly' and LOL'd. Because that would only come out of Philly." -- jaypoozle
"Hey, did you hear they're trading Utley for Trout? I mean, I heard it somewhere!" -- David S. Cohen
"Even if this is real and Ruben makes the magic happen, you know he's just going to spin Price for Pence or something." -- John Stolnis
"The Ryan Howard 50% Off Sale! Now Until Dec. 1!" -- Wet Luzinski
"It's not THAT crazy..." -- Joecatz