Symphony in BB: Phillies' Classical Walk-Up Music

The only concert hall with nosebleeds. - Howard Smith-US PRESSWIRE

What if the Phillies were only allowed to use walk-up music written before 1950?

Once upon a time, there were no walk-up songs. There were no overproduced beats with morally questionable lyrics laid on top of them, or cliche guitar riffs drowning out somebody's finger-slammed-in-the-door vocals. There was only a man, a sheet of paper, and roughly 60 musicians at his command. It might lead one to wonder, what would the Phillies batters choose as their walk-up music if they could only pick orchestral music?

Well fans, fear not, for I have a liberal arts education in music and am incredibly well-qualified to answer this very question for you. It says so on my degree, written in pretty calligraphy and in a dead language.

So without further ado, I present to you, the Philadelphia Phillies' symphonic walk-up music.

Ryan Howard: Symphony No. 1 in D Major "Titan," mvt. I - Gustav Mahler

Sure, he may go a little cold and quiet at times, but when he's on, he'll melt your face off. (Skip to 12:51 for face-melting.)

Chase Utley: "Mars, The Bringer of War" from The Planets - Gustav Holst

I wonder how many home runs Utley could hit with a sledgehammer.

Jimmy Rollins: "Ride of the Valkyries" from Die Walküre - Richard Wagner

Rollins and Wagner have a few things in common: they're loud, they're proud, they're good, and a lot of people don't like them very much.

Michael Young: Symphony No. 4 in E Minor, mvt. IV - Johannes Brahms

Really a great piece at the start, but by the eighth minute in, you start to wonder how much longer you have to deal with it.

Domonic Brown: "Lemminkäinen's Return" from Lemminkäinen Suite - Jean Sibelius

With the performance Brown has been putting on in Spring Training, The Hero's Quest may yet reach its happy ending.

Ben Revere: Finale ("March of the Swiss Soldiers") from The William Tell Overture - Gioachino Rossini

Run Rev Run.

Delmon Young: "Slightly Tipsy" from Hungarian Sketches - Bela Bartok

If you want, you can also picture him stumbling around in right field with this in the background, instead of down the street shouting racial slurs at people...

Carlos Ruiz: "Final Dance (Jota)" from Three-Cornered Hat Suite - Manuel de Falla

About as fun to listen to as it is to watch Chooch play...which is a lot.

BONUS BENCH PLAYER TRACKS

Erik Kratz: Fanfare for the Common Man - Aaron Copland

Erik Kratz is from Telford, PA. Common people live in Telford, PA. You do the math.

Darin Ruf: "Hoedown" from Rodeo - Aaron Copland

He's from Nebraska. You know he's been to one at some point.

Laynce Nix: "Bydlo" from Pictures at an Exhibition - Modest Mussorgsky

He's built like an ox, why not have a walk-up about one? Besides, the spelling is too good to ignore.

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