If you approach this game from the right point of view, tonight's 14-2 utter walloping by the Indians was pretty hilarious.
We start off with Roy Halladay. He's coming off of three great starts -- 1.71 ERA, four earned runs, eight hits, 16 strikeouts. So tonight, he gives up two two-run home runs in the first inning. And then another in the fourth inning. Halladay would give up another two runs before his night ended, for a total of nine hits and eight runs. In one game, Roy Halladay bested his hit total from the last three games by one, and doubled his run total. In just one game! That's sort of poetic. Or pathetic. HEY LOOK I'M A POET, TOO!
We JUST started feeling like Halladay had figured it out again. We JUST read that story about how he found Harvey Dorfman's emails and gained valuable insight and confidence from reading them. And in one fell swoop, ALL OUR SECURITY IS GONE AND WE'RE ALONE ONCE AGAIN IN THE COLD, LONELY UNIVERSE.
Speaking of the cold, lonely universe, Chad Durbin got the last out of the fourth inning, but that was as good as it would get. He allowed four runs on four hits -- two home runs -- in the fifth inning. Why is he even here anymore? Is it just to torture the fan base? How much worse does he have to be? I know his ERA certainly doesn't reflect how shitty he's been (at least before tonight), since the trillion inherited runners he allowed to score don't count in his ERA. No, they count toward the ERA of the poor schmucks that he replaced. WHY.
We're not done yet! Ryan Raburn and Drew Stubbs took Raul Valdes deep in back-to-back at bats in the seventh to bring the score to 14-2. The Indians hit a total of seven home runs tonight. SEVEN. THAT IS A LOT OF HOME RUNS YES INDEEDY DO.
Is that not enough? Ok. Try this on for size. In the fifth inning, the Phillies had runners on second and third with one out and didn't score. Both of those runners were on base without the benefit of a hit. In the sixth inning, they had two more base -- one on third -- and Domonic Brown flied out on the first pitch to end the inning.
You ready for the kicker? Delmon Young homered during his first at-bat as a Phillie. That solo shot in the second inning would be the Phillies only hit (and only run) until Chase Utley homered in the sixth inning. Delmon Young went 2-for-3 tonight with one RBI.
There have been three major blowouts this season for the Phillies. I've now recapped two of them. Someone is trying to break my spirit but I'm not going to let them. Oh, no. It's going to take a lot more than that to break me. They'll have to do better than that if you want to bring me down. KEEP TRYING, BOYS. I don't care what they try to do. 14 runs? How about 18? 23? A MILLION? DOESN'T MATTER. I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.