Here are my ten, stream-of-consciousness predictions. There may be more than 10. I really wanted to do a classy slideshow with this, but Liz was all like "Totally not. Totally. Not." Who made her boss, anyway?
Starting time: 5:02, April 3, 2013.
- Sucking. Followed by an exciting run, then more sucking, heart-breaking, and one last exciting run.
- Playoffs will occur in Philadelphia in MLB in 2013.
- Domonic Brown will become a Phillies fixture, assuming his rightful place at the throne and hitting at least 25 home runs.
- Ben Revere will hit 25 fewer home runs than Domonic Brown.
- Game of Thrones will be spectacular.
- Freddy Galvis will turn into a 2.0 WAR player, filling in as-needed, but ultimately full timing for a broken Utley.
- Ben Revere will be kidnapped by Hobbits.
- Adam Morgan will arrive, stay, and set all our hearts aflutter.
- Another young pitching prospect will arrive on the scene and be surprisingly not awful. Perhaps Jon Pettibone.
- John Lannan will be harpooned on the last day of the season by Chase Utley, who will drag him to the bottom of the sea, lashing him to Delmon Young.
- Delmon Young will explode on the first dollar dog night.
- The Red Phanatic will be vaporized by the Phanatic's mother using a modified T shirt cannon.
- Michael Young will commit more errors than Chase Utley hits home runs.
- We will all come to enjoy Kevin Frandsen's defense in a much deeper way than we did previously.
- Charlie Manuel will not be retained for another year, but will stay through the end of this year.
- Cliff Lee will unify Newtonian and Quantum physics with an elegant and simple formula written on the palm of his glove between innings.
- Chase Utley will break before the end of the year. Prediction 17.5 is that he will go to an AL team over the winter and be a nice DH who plays in the field once in a while. Sort of a Michael Young who doesn't suck.
- Roy Halladay will retire or be released or be permanently (season-wise) DL-ed before the All-Star Break.
- Carlos Ruiz will not be retained, and he will open up a food truck in Panama with Jonathan Broxton.
- Cole Hamels will create from the power of his mind a new form of collective machine consciousness that will protect the Delaware Valley from an army of Chipper Jones Twittering androids. I-95 and mounds of burning tires will save civilization here so that the earth can be repopulated with unicorns, backpack dogs, and Pat Burrell's bastards.
- I will drink 532 beers during Phillies games this year. Count along with me on HavingDomsBabies.com.
- I will get the score wrong in at least 2 recaps, proving yet again my weakestlinkiness.
- TGP will find at least 3 new, excellent writers during the year from the commentariat and the pressgang operations trolling local twelve step meetings and community corrections centers.
So there you are. Ten predictions. 5:21 p.m.