Don't the Miami Marlins seem like they should be the protagonists of, like, a cult sports comedy at this point? Their situation with regard to Major League Baseball, at this point, is basically the plot of Major League, and the scrappy bunch of guys thrown together into the world of the glossy professional is basically a Hollywood stock plot. The only difference is that those scrappy bands, even if they fall short of their ultimate goals, at least put on a pretty good showing; the Marlins are losing, and in historically futile fashion.
In this way, are the Marlins some sort of German Expressionist alternative to the optimism of the 80's blockbuster? Are they the version of the film where the protagonist, in the last second, predictably fails instead of succeeding against all odds? If so, I have to give them credit for being far more compelling than I'd thought. There's something morbidly wonderful about a version of Back to the Future where Marty just oversleeps, misses the dance completely, and fades into nothingness. Or a version of The Goonies where they just all get killed by the Fratellis. Or a Major League where the Yankees just brutalize them in the final game and they lose without any drama or intrigue at all.
Okay, so none of those sound fun to watch, but they'd have valuable commentary on the human condition, dang it all! And I'd watch them. ...ah who am I kidding? We could at least buy the DVDs and display them so that our dates thought we were smart -- something that we can emphatically not do with a new Marlins cap.
Discuss the futility of hope, happiness, and success (when playing in Miami) below.
Please win, Cole.