This game doesn't merit a narrative recap. Honestly, if it weren't a school night I'd strongly consider a comprehensive alcoholic cleanse to dislodge as much of this ugly memory as possible without inflicting serious liver damage. So instead you get my notes, as compiled throughout a stupefying three hours on a beautiful spring Sunday.
Doc gets ahead of Justin Ruggiano, then plunks him in the ass to load the bases. I imagine this is what it’s like to watch a loved one suffocated with a pillow.
2-run double to Marcell Ozuna, 2-0 Marlins. Walk to Greg Dobbs—DOBBS! Then a foul-out: chance to escape with two outs and the 8 hitter, .169-hitting Adeiny Hechavarria, due. Nope: three-run triple to the .169 hitting 8 hitter. We trail 5-0.
2nd inning: Kevin Slowey's stuff is utterly mediocre, but good enough to succeed when the approach is crap. Delmon Young fouls out on two pitches, Domonic Brown Ks swinging late on a high 80s fastball, then Carlos Ruiz takes straight FB for third strike. Side retired.
Top 3rd: Once again, Doc hits Ruggiano after getting ahead of him. Walks Ozuna. Dobbs singles. Strikes out Olivo. Hechavarria hits a grand slam home run. 9-0; Good night, Doc. And a stout go-fuck-yourself to everyone booing him.
Bottom 3rd: Ben Revere walks, then is doubled off when Raul Valdes popped up a bunt try in the 3rd. the sort of heady play we’ve come to expect from the 2013 Phillies. Freddy Galvis then follows with a double.
Bottom 5th: Here’s an oddity--Revere’s seen eight pitches, all balls, and walked twice. Troll job by his old Twins teammate?
6th inning: I've decided to look up the biggest wins of the 1962 Mets:
- Mets 13, Astros 2 (June 23)
- Mets 9, Pirates 1 (April 23)
- Mets 8, Phillies 0 (April 29)
- Mets 9, Cardinals 1 (August 4)
Did suffering a blowout loss to the worst team of all time mean anything in the larger sense? Not really. The 1962 Pirates went 93-68. Cardinals: 84-78. Phillies: 81-80 (mostly by beating up on the Mets and expansion Astros). Aforementioned expansion Astros: 64-96. Perhaps we too can finish 81-80. Or at least not lose 100 games.
Sometime in the 7th inning: I wonder if Mark Trumbo’s teammates call him "Rusty."
Bottom of the 8th: Phils get on the board as Marlins start kicking the ball around. Maybe they won't suffer a worse loss than any victim of the '62 Mets...
Top 9th: Or maybe Ruggiano will match his two HBPs with two home runs, and we're down 12 runs again.
Fangraph of I can't believe I watched (or "watched") the whole thing: