Why God Why: Martinez called-up, Brown sits with concussion symptoms

Hunter Martin

Are you there, God? It's me, Liz. I have just one question: WHY?!

There is no good news here, folks. Let me get that out of the way immediately so you can go take a shot of Jim Beam or whack your hand with a claw hammer to somewhat ease the pain of what I'm going to say next.

It wasn't realistic for the Phillies to continue to carry three catchers and four outfielders on their 25-man roster, so Humberto Quintero has been designated for assignment. Quintero has a .250 average in 68 plate appearances, but with Erik Kratz back it was clear that Humby was going to be the odd catcher out.

To take his spot on the roster, the Phillies have picked Michael Martinez, who I assume will be called-up from the depths of hell. He'll arrive on the back of a pale horse (I think the horse was named dearth or dirk or possibly death). It's not news to anyone that Martinez flat-out sucks. In 360 major league plate appearances, he has an average of .186, which includes eight doubles, two triples, and five home runs. In the article I linked above, the Inquirer's Matt Gelb calls Martinez "light-hitting" which is the understatement of the century. We're only 13 years into this century but I'm calling it right now -- game over.

And now for the really bad news.

In his next tweet, Gelb goes on to say that Friday is the earliest Brown could return, as he complained of dizziness after he attempted a catch last night by going into an all out dive. He missed the ball and thwacked himself on the ground pretty hard. It just seemed like he'd had the wind knocked out of him, but it obviously did more damage. Please be OK, Dom. We need you.

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