Pimping for PennDOT: Get a Phillies-related vanity plate

Chris Trotman

Want to slap a license plate that reads "DYKSTRA" or "BOO ROLN" on your 1983 Chevette hatchback? Hells, yeah!

For some absolutely mindless fun bereft of any stat analysis or baseballery, visit PennDOT's vanity license plate website and play with it. The Pennsylvania vanity plate website is here. Try to break it, or create sleazy plates. Make fun of Paula Deen if you can in 7 characters. It's like an abbreviated tweet. And you can PUT IT ON YOUR CAR AND MAKE OTHER PEOPLE LOOK AT IT WHEN THEY ARE ALREADY ANNOYED AT YOU BECAUSE YOU CUT THEM OFF. How much fun is that?

I started playing with it to express my Phandom in a way that MLB won't let me on the backs of many of their custom jerseys. Well, screw them. Bud Selig can't touch your license plate. And if he does, pop that creepy dude for messing with your car.

Enter the plate you want, and you can order it and fulfill your dreams. I am guessing, but cannot confirm, that BATISTE is available. Maybe SJELTZ or BOO ROLN. Here are some plates available as of press time, and what effect the plate might have on your automobiling experience:

  • DOM BRWN: Chris Wheeler will confuse your car with a (show)boat, especially since the finish is charcoal instead of taffeta.
  • KRUKKER: Your car is a tractor trailer with a missing bearing.
  • DYKSTRA: Repo.
  • R AMARO: Do you have a low-mileage lemon that is underwater or on a bad lease? Are you afraid to set it on fire or park it somewhere with the keys in it because, you know, insurance fraud is a felony? USE THIS PLATE. Guaranteed to get keyed and/or vandalized. Just drive it to games, and make sure you don't leave anything nice inside.
  • ASHBURN or HARRY K: Your car will be washed and waxed at CBP when you return from games.
  • FRNDSEN: Your car will be taken mudding.
  • MERBRRY: Your car will be picked off second and driven into the Delaware.
  • LUZNSKI: You can drive over anything, but only at 5 miles per hour. You might have bought a steamroller.
  • DELMON Y: An existential question, to be sure.
  • FAN2009: You will be front running everyone on the Schuylkill Expressway.
  • ZOOWIT R: You are going to the Zoo.
  • PHLZ WFC: Just fun.
  • I DJESUS: Makes me think of "I, Claudius".
  • KENDRCK: Maybe his wife gets into your car by mistake.
  • BAKE MCB: You will be pulled over every three miles for littering and...littering and...
  • WFC 2OO8 (Those are O's, not Zeros - someone beat you there); You may get this plate and then have it taken in a few months when the inevitable obscenity recall comes. But it will rule in that brief, glorious time.
Me? I'm probably going for GLENNBO, or LEZCANO. The latter is just so Cohen can't get it. Have fun with the toy, and share your idea below.
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