Phillies. Cubs. A steel cage match of "who cares" greeted by a chorus of "wait, these two teams are still playing games?"
My fiancé is a lifelong Cubs fan. He comforts me when I despair and bitch about the Phillies, but he also says "You know nothing about bad baseball teams and eternal despair." I feel that Cubs fans have much to teach us.
Kyle Kendrick and Edwin Jackson. Try not to fall asleep as you discuss the game in the comments below.