Operation Rip Van Winkle: Phillies Announce 2014 Schedule

Picture Unrelated - Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

Rejoice! Now you can plan all of your 2014 months ahead of time!

The Phillies have announced their 2014 schedule, and you can peruse it to your heart's content.  The full schedule can be found here, but for the inattentive among you, you can always read the blow-by-blow by the always capable Todd Zolecki.

I never really know what to say about schedules.  I guess I could militate against the unfairness of the Phillies' having to play 19 of their final 29 games on the road, with one road trip to San Diego in between.  But honestly, if I'm living in some crazy fantasy where the Phillies are definitely contending that late into the season, then I may as well just go all-in and assume they'll just sweep in spite of the odds.  More fun that way.  I could also roll my eyes at the first Phillies game of 2014 being played against the Texas Rangers, an AL squad, but I've never really had the hatred of interleague that some of my colleagues do.  And I think the Rangers are kind of a lovable team.  I could also say that being set against the neo-powerhouse of the AL West looks grim, but that is underselling just how bad playing against Mike Trout will be.  And I have enough to worry about without being kept up nights with visions of a four-game set against the Astros.

So, maybe some oddities.  Here are a few things I've noticed while perusing the new schedule that I think are kind of funny:

- The Phillies will be in my neck of the woods in the beginning of April, which we here in Chicago call "Winter 2." Get excited for a lot of stories about how it's unconscionable to start playing baseball when it's so cold out.  Get excited for rolling your eyes a lot.

- The Phillies are playing the Rockies on 4/20 in Colorado.  If I planned this joke out, you'd have called me a hack.

- In May, there's a weird split series with the Blue Jays where two games are played in Philadelphia and then the next two are played in Toronto with no off day.  I'm not aware of this being a usual thing, but maybe I'm wrong.  Still, some prime cheesesteak/poutine action for the intrepid traveling Phillies fan.

- There are six games against the Braves, four against the Marlins, three against the Nationals, and one against the Mets in June.  If 2014 is a playoff year, this is probably the make or break month.

- The All-Star Game is in Minneapolis this year, at Target Field, which means we can expect most if not all of the All-Stars to come back home as beer snob hipsters who scoff at other peoples' definitions of what "cold" and "snowy" is.  And we'll all be better off for it.

- The homestand against the Astros at the beginning of July has "get fed up over baseball and overreact leading to a sullen feud with my wife over how seriously I take sports" written allllll over it.

- There's nothing more wonderful looking than the seven game road trip in September against the Padres and the Athletics.  Seriously, just cruising around California in late September and watching baseball? Shoot.

- The Phillies end the year with a three-game homestand against the Braves, but at the beginning of September, they play three against the Braves in Atlanta.  Did you know that Atlanta is technically not a city? It's true! It's official designation is "Vortex of Sorrow."

See any tidbits I've missed? Care about the schedule more than I do? Talk about it here!

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