Welcome to the startup screen of Phillies, 2013, Version 5.001, a product of Amaroworks Entertainment. You have proven yourself a wise purveyor of fine baseball software in purchasing this, the highest caliber baseball simulator of its time. What would you like to do?
>Play 2013 Season
>Play 1980 Season
>Throw Darts at Jonathan Papelbon
You have selected PLAY 1980 SEASON. We are sorry, but that feature is not available in the Version you have installed. Try again? ...you have selected THROW DARTS AT JONATHAN PAPELBON. A serious missive will be sent informing Papelbon's attorneys of your malicious intent if you continue. Do you wish to continue? If yes, please enter your county name and street address; if no, please select PLAY 2013 SEASON.
You have selected PLAY 2013 SEASON. Play ball!
The date is September 20th, 2013. You are only 20 games back from the Atlanta Braves, and need to win n/a to reach the playoffs. The crowd at Citizens Bank Park is apathetic and listless, just like a home crowd ought to be! What they say is true -- there's nothing like September baseball!
You see Cole Hamels take the mound. Cole Hamels has been arguably your most effective pitcher this year. Cole Hamels should be able to give you A Puncher's Chance (TM). For Cole's first pitch to Eric Young, Jr, what pitch would you like to use: FASTBALL IN, CURVEBALL, CUTTER, FASTBALL OUTSIDE, CHANGEUP.
You have selected FASTBALL. It is over for a called strike. You have selected FASTBALL. It just misses.
Larry Andersen.wav: "Where was that?"
You have selected CUTTER. It is fouled away. The count is 1-2. What is your strikeout pitch?
You have selected CURVEBALL. Hang CURVEBALL? You have automatically selected YES.
[ERIC YOUNG, JR HAS DOUBLED DOWN TO RIGHT FIELD]
Well, dust it off, it is just baseball! For Cole's first pitch to Daniel Murphy, what pit-
[ERIC YOUNG, JR HAS STOLEN THIRD BASE]
-ch would you like to use? You have selected FASTBALL. It does not catch enough of the plate and is a ball.
Wheeler.wav: "Kind of goofy that he went to that one. He just doesn't have control of that pitch tonight."
You have selected FASTBALL. Are you sure? The FASTBALL is not sharp tonight.. You have still selected FASTBALL.
[DANIEL MURPHY SINGLES TO CENTER. ERIC YOUNG SCORES. THE SCORE IS 0-1]
Oh no! Well, good to get them out of the way early! For Cole's first pitch to David Wright, what pitch would you like to use? You have chosen FASTBALL. Is there something wrong where you can only select one pitch? You have selected NO. The fastball is low for a ball.
Franzke.wav: And he can't get the pitch up enough. He does not look happy out there.
You have chosen FASTBALL. Okay.
[DAVID WRIGHT HAS HIT A HOME RUN TO RIGHT FIELD. DANIEL MURPHY SCORES. DAVID WRIGHT SCORES. THE SCORE IS 0-3]
For Josh Satin, which-
You have selected the MENU. What would you like to do from here?
You have selected SIMULATE NEXT 3.5 INNINGS.
You have selected FIGHT. That is not an available option at this point in the game. You have selected TAKE. That is not an available option at this point in the game.
You have selected SWING. It misses!
Ump.wav: "STEEEEEEE-RIKE ONE!"
Oh no! The next pitch is coming, what do you do? You have selected TAKE. Good choice: it was a ball! You have now selected TAKE again. That is not an available option at this point in the game. You have selected SWING.
[DARIN RUF DOUBLES DOWN THE LEFT FIELD LINE. CHASE UTLEY SCORES, CARLOS RUIZ SCORES, DOMONIC BROWN SCORES. ERIC YOUNG METSES UP THE WHOLE THING AND COMMITS AN ERROR. THE SCORE IS 3-5]
You are Cody Asche, with a man on second.
You have chosen to simulate the next three outs. You have flied out, grounded out, grounded out, and grounded out.
[CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE MANUFACTURED A RUN! FOR YOUR INDUSTRY, THE SCORE IS NOW 5-4]
You have selected the MENU. What would you like to do from here? You have selected QUIT. I am sorry -- this program cannot quit until all games are played. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You have selected SIMULATE TO THE NINTH INNING.
The score is 5-7, and the team is looking for a miracle. Are you tough enough to stun ace Mets closer LATROY HAWKINS? The city is counting on you! Your general manager is counting on you! Win, for Greg Murphy!
Murph.wav: "Tom, I'm on the field, and the atmosphere is morbidly languid. It's something else!"
The game has determined that this high-leverage situation is subject to the CLUTCH mechanic. Do you trust your guys in the CLUTCH? You have selected NO. This is not an available answer in this version. You have selected MULTIPLE KEYS MASHED AT ONCE. Okay! That's the spirit! Let's see what they can do!
[THE PHILLIES HAVE LINED OUT. THE PHILLIES HAVE GROUNDED OUT. THE PHILLIES HAVE POPPED OUT.]
T-Mac.wav: "And the inning is over. Welp, the Phillies will have to go back tomorrow thinking about this one. From all of us here, have a great night!"
The playoffs aren't here yet, though! You have a shot! We only need to win n/a more games to make it to October. May we suggest a soundtrack?
That's the spirit! Play again?
You have selected QUIET WEEPING.