Brian McCann is the new fun police, appointed by Bud Selig after last night's citizens arrest of Carlos Gomez for celebrating his home run in the douchiest way possible.
McCann apprehended Gomez and booked him, and then Bud Selig popped out of the shadows and complimented McCann on the size and depth of the stick up his butt. "You're the perfect man to make sure that no one ever celebrates in a manner that could be construed as happy, prideful, excited, satisfied, or euphoric. I'm entrusting this responsibility to you. Baseball's respectability is in your hands, Brian McCann, player on the Atlanta Braves, where the fans do an extremely racist tomahawk chop chant that is encouraged by the team. I see no irony in this at all. And now, I must leave to see if another sports league wants my help constructing an incomprehensible replay policy. Goodbye and good luck."
That actually happened. You can't prove it didn't!
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