It's so ugly at this point. Even if you embrace the tank, watching Phillies baseball has been just horrendous recently. As we saw the other night, even the umpires don't care. There are three games left this weekend, three games against the Braves that the schedulers probably hoped would be dramatic and nailbiting. Instead, they're anything but.
So this morning on the never-ending email chain that permanently clogs the inboxes of each The Good Phight blogger, we discussed three things we'd rather do this weekend than watch our beloved Phillies struggle to put an end to the misery of 2013. Here are the responses.
- Shoveling snow.
- Installing my wife's studded tires.
- Re-watching my 2008 World Series DVDs.
- Be Brian McCann's punching bag
- Live in Atlanta
- Watch the Breaking Bad marathon on AMC
- Reading the Phenomenology of Spirit straight through with no breaks.
- Exercising, which is forever for chumps
- Sitting in unmoving traffic when the only channel that comes in is playing "Life's Been Good" by Joe Walsh
- Spend a grand to fly to NJ to clean my father in laws basement which had been accumulating shit since 1968
- Take my wife bathing suit shopping and sit and watch her try on suit after suit and say the wrong things about whether her hips look fat in a tankini until her love of cheesecake is suddenly my fault and I'm an insensitive prick.
- Watch Peyton manning destroy the eagles secondary and realize that there is no hope left in my sports world for a very long time.
- Kill myself
- Drink weed
- Listen to Drake. Ok things aren't that bad, I'd rather watch the Phillies than listen to Drake
My actual weekend plans in lieu of watching the Phillies other than here or there):
- Catch up on Breaking Bad (much more upbeat)
- Announce Miracle League games (I'll be announcer/play-by-play for at least 2)
- Think about prospects, just being honest here.
- Actually cleaning my house.
- Watching the Eagles play football.
- Oh wait I'm recapping Sunday's game so I HAVE to watch them end this slow motion train wreck of a season! Lucky me!
- Fly to Aruba for the weekend
- Tour Italy by Ferrari
- Begin a two-week vacation in Hawaii
Since these aren't likely, I'll be watching the Phillies.
- Attend a Ted Cruz book reading of The Lorax
- Take a pill that will give me an erection and then sit with my significant other in separate bathtubs on the beach.
- Go to jail - go directly to jail - do not pass Go, do not collect $200
- Think in metaphors
- Go to a bar mitzvah in New York (true story)
- Write a speculative poem about Amaro's bar mitzvah.
- Vasectomy/recovering from a vasectomy
- Watching football
David S. Cohen:
- Cry non-stop because Breaking Bad is coming to an end
- Travel to Phoenix
- Rage over wallets