The Phillies' Season in One Vine

WHY IS YOUR UNIFORM SO TIGHT?!?! - Brian Garfinkel

We may not be that far into the season, but one Vine shows us what 2014 might be like -- over and over and over again.

Last night, oh last night. Last night was a tough one, yet so representative of what I think the season could be.

In the top of the ninth inning, a win was in sight. They had scored five runs in the bottom of the eighth to pull ahead. The Phillies could have done it. There was hope, an emotion that Phillies fans haven't felt much in 2014. And then, this.

.......

..............

I'm sorry, was I gone long? I had to run to the bathroom to vomit after seeing Dan Uggla practically busting out of his child sized uniform. The grand slam was just the icing on the cake. Ugh, icing and cake and Uggla. Excuse me, I need to step out aga-bluuuuuuugh hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrablhgh

Eggs were a bad idea this morning.

That grad slam, and even last night's entire game, represented for me what 2014 will probably be like for Phillies fans. Feast or famine -- really good or really bad. In fact, sometimes the feast and famine happen within the same game, just like last night. There's happiness and hope where before there was none, and then WHOOSH! The rug is pulled out from underneath our feet and we're left in a crumpled, sobbing heap, afraid to get up again lest another annoying player launches a home run off of a young Phillies reliever.

If you can't imagine what that would be like, here's a Vine that helpfully shows you exactly what that will be like, since that's exactly what it was like last night when Dan Uggla clubbed that ninth inning grand slam.

Yup, that's about right.

If you'd like to see those classic reactions elevated to high art, then you need to check out Deadspin's Uggla reactions video. It's brilliant. Please watch it. We all need to laugh at this. Why? Because it's really, really funny. If this happened to any other team, I'd find a way to get those reactions tattooed onto my back, a giant masterpiece of perfect timing. I'm not going to let myself wallow in sadness about this ridiculous loss when I could be thoroughly enjoying the perfection of what happened last night. Yes, it's my favorite team, but come on! How perfect was that?! There's nothing about it that isn't perfect. The Phillies could have won! They had just taken the lead! Dan Uggla is actually not a great player, and Jake Diekman has been good! So of course Diekman threw Uggla a pitch that was promptly sent into the stands.

The stars aligned perfectly on the night of April 14, 2014 to help us find a way to disconnect our emotions, even momentarily, from the tire fire that was last night's game. Was it an emotional gut punch? I think those poor bastards in the Vine above would say yes. But it's early, and the season could be full of these. If we let them all get to us, by the end of the season we're going to be a emotionally unstable, quivering mass of fandom. I know that I need to let some of this stuff go, and I'm grateful for the Vines and videos that help me do that. That help me remember that this is a game, and it's meant to be fun.

Besides, if we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at?

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