The camera will find him during the introductions up the Target Field baseline, and he'll flash that awkward smile and give them the old Chase Utley, All-Star Game charm.
Following the close of whatever that was last night, Chase was hitting .219 since May 28, with 21 hits, two doubles, and a home run. His OPS sits at an inglorious .571 and he's walked ten times while striking out 13.
"Wow!" said someone reviewing that material. "That's not very good!"
Suddenly, their body tightened and convulsed, and they fell to the ground, a decorative poison dart protruding festively from their neck. A huge, green assassin stole away into the night.
The Phillies ask that you kindly don't point out the unimpressive nature of those numbers, because Chase Utley will be the National League's starting second baseman in the All-Star Game. You can't stop it now, and even if you could, a Phanatic Phun Dart would find you all too easily.
But like I literally just said, you can't stop it. Chase leads the pack of exhausted, mediocre middle infielders by over 750,000 votes, so Neil Walker is going to have to get a lot more productive and a lot more handsomer if he wants to make this at all interesting. And Dee Gordon? Dee Gordon will have to lead be a little more impressive than the "league leader in stolen bases and triples" if he wants to catch Chase, who leads the league in "nothing."
There could have been some silliness as Scooter Gennett climbs up the charts, but fortunately, the Brewers' second baseman on the All-Star ballot is listed as Rickie Weeks, so Gennett's adorable little power surge is of no threat. Though he did have the first five-RBI game in a Brewers uniform since Marquis Grissom in 1999...
/Nods menacingly at Phanatic standing nearby with his hands behind his back. Phanatic excuses himself from room and disappears.
Now let's all watch some terrific Chase Utley defensive plays and forget this nonsense.
Ha, ha. Boy, that is some terrific defense.