The Phillies scored more runs than they have since June 24 as they beat the Brewers tonight 9-7. I wasn't able to watch the game tonight due to some technical issues with MLB.TV. So I listened to the dulcet tones of Scott Franzke and Larry Anderson instead, and let my active imagination paint pictures of what the game looked like.
In the top of the first inning, Chase Utley hit a sacrifice fly to score Ben Revere. After Revere moonwalked across home plate, balloons dropped from the sky. The Phillies scored first, which was a good sign.
It didn't last long, though. Kyle Kendrick's pitching arm turned into an ice cream scooper, which is what it always does in the first inning of his starts. That's the only explanation I can imagine for him giving up five runs. Yes, Kendrick gave up more first inning runs. A solo home run from Scooter Gennet started things off, and then a single and two walks loaded the bases for Lyle Overbay, who in my mind was dressed like a pirate. I can't explain why.
Former bullpen coach Mick Billmeyer was once convinced Lyle Overbay had some sort of hex on Phillies.— Matt Gelb (@magelb) July 9, 2014
Pirate Lyle Overbay gave Mick more evidence tonight, hitting a grand slam to cap off a five-run first inning.
Kyle Kendrick has a 10.50 ERA in the first inning this season.— Matt Gelb (@magelb) July 9, 2014
Sometimes you run out of words to describe how bad and distressing something is. This is one of those times for me. What can you even say about that SAW movie masquerading as an ERA? You can't say anything. I'm going to leave it there. Don't stare at it too long, because it will give you sinister, evil nightmares.
In the second inning, the Phillies surprised me, you, and everyone else by making a roaring comeback, which they did by turning into giant panda bears and skateboarding around the stadium, eating the famous Miller Park Racing Sausages like they were Slim Jims.
OK that probably didn't happen.
While Marlon Byrd started it all with an infield single, things didn't start getting interesting until Cody Asche's at-bat. Asche got lucky when he hit a little looper off the end of his bat, and instead of bouncing on the ground and then into Aramis Ramirez's glove, it bounced sharply off of third base and in the opposite direction. Domonic Brown walked to load the bases, and then Koyie Hill juuuuust beat out an infield single to score a run. Asche was out at home when Kendrick hit into a forceout, and then I thought the scoring would stop. History was on my side, after all, and I didn't want to be greedy. But me and my good friend history were wrong. Ben Revere brought in a run on an ground rule double, and Jimmy Rollins followed that with a walk. Chase Utley would then cap off the five-run inning with a two-run single, putting the Phillies on top 6-5.
The rest of the scoring was done by Domonic Brown. His solo homer in the third inning (his first since June 14) left a rainbow trail behind it as it left the stadium. His fifth inning RBI single gave birth to a beautiful unicorn, which then galloped away on the stadium rainbow.
After vomiting up all those runs, Kendrick kept the Brewers quiet until the sixth inning. He allowed a two-run homer to Mark Reynolds, which chased Kendrick from the game. As he left, I imagined a deflating zebra set to a sad accordion noise. Justin De Fratus bailed Kendrick out of the sixth inning, and gave him an undeserved win. Good news: De Fratus didn't allow any runs, which he hadn't done since his scoreless streak ended three appearances ago. Jake Diekman struck out both batters he faced in the seventh inning. Ryne Sandberg used Ken Giles as his setup man again, and he allowed two hits but no runs in the eighth before yielding to Jonathan Papelbon in the ninth. Pap ably closed it out for his 21st save.
If the Phillies had lost, you don't want to know what picture my mind would have painted. Angry dragons and fire breathing guinea pigs and giant evil slugs on the field. I'm sure the Phillies will give me a chance to use that colorful imagery at some point, but I'm glad they didn't tonight.