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MLB Band List, Part I - National League

I was recently turned on to this video, which compares the Phillies recent run of "pretty good-ness" to that of the Foo Fighters, another bunch of dudes who are also generally solid and respectable, but never really transcendent.

... Adding, it appears that this video is part of a larger series of videos from Fanhouse TV, where they compare teams to music groups in a series of short videos. Highly recommended, go check it out.

What about the rest of MLB?  What bands do they most closely resemble?

National League

NL East

Atlanta Braves are Garth Brooks: Unstoppable in the 1990s, with pockets of fans everywhere (thanks, TBS!).  Ill-advised character change, and getting away from what worked for them, proved to be harbinger of a significant downturn (Chris Gaines; shifting focus from pitching to hitting / losing Leo Mazzone).  Currently lying fallow, but you wouldn't be shocked if they came back just as strong as ever.

Florida Marlins are The Sex Pistols: Young group assembled by a greedy, creepy man (Malcolm McClaren; Wayne Huizenga), and swiftly dismantled after hitting their peak.  Followed by a second, unexpected comeback with the original creepy man nowhere in sight.

New York Mets are Black Sabbath: Gargantuan and powerful, but always will be left with a healthy dose of the "what-might-have-beens" had they not lost their most talented performer(s) to substance abuse (Ozzy Osbourne; Dwight Gooden / Darryl Strawberry).  The fill-ins proved to be ineffectual lightweights (Dio; Frank Viola / Kevin McReynolds).

Philadelphia Phillies are The Foo Fighters: See video.

Washington Nationals are New Order: Rose from the ashes of other groups' tragic demises (Ian Curtis and Joy Division; Montreal Expos), and forged a completely new identity.  Unmistakable European flavor.  Like Joy Division, it was almost impossible to hear the Expos on the radio, and like New Order, the Nationals are ubiquitous over the airwaves.

Star-divide



NL Central

Chicago Cubs are Jimmy Buffett: Millions of people like them for some reason, despite having done nothing worthwhile for a full century.  The culture of drinking surrounding each probably explains this tolerance for failure.  The fans are generally affable and friendly, but are single-mindedly dedicated to their hero(es).  Fans will travel thousands of miles to see them play.

Cincinnati Reds are The Rolling Stones: The oldest still-working group out there, they nonetheless peaked decades ago but keep insistently plugging away.  Nostalgic throwbacks for some, painfully anachronistic for others.  Controversies of the past are now mostly in the background, but still pop up from time to time (Marge Schott, Pete Rose; drug abuse, yucky sex).

Houston Astros are ZZ Top: Texans, and really goofy looking in the 1980s.  They've been around a lot longer than it seems.  Relied on the "Killer B's" for many years (beards; Bagwell/Biggio/Berkman).  Weird fixation on outer space.

Milwaukee Brewers are The Butthole Surfers: Strongly associated with alcohol consumption.  Well-known and understood by "serious" fans but no one else knows them, but for one moment in the past (1982; "Pepper").  Conceal an otherwise notable lack of skill with novelty (performing nude, use of props; Sausage Races).

Pittsburgh Pirates are Guns N' Roses: A glorious past, but dormant for over a decade.  Fans wait anxiously for their return to prominence; highly unlikely to happen anytime soon, in either case, despite glimmers of hope to the contrary.

St. Louis Cardinals are The Beach Boys: The wholesome, family-friendly exterior conceals a deviant, tragic core (substance abuse, performance enhancing and otherwise; tragic deaths of key performers).  Led by an authoritarian egomaniac (Tony LaRussa; Murry Wilson).  One brilliant member surrounded by a rotating cast of a couple solid supporting players and a bunch of scrubs (Albert Pujols; Brian Wilson).  Shocking, inexplicable late-career resurgence (2006 postseason; "Kokomo").

NL West

Arizona Diamondbacks are The Eagles: Initially assembled from members of other great groups, they later developed their own look and sound, including ditching the hideous clothes of their early days.  Both strongly associated with the desert, and with one unlikely and confusing yet defining work ("Hotel California"; 2001 World Series).

Colorado Rockies are The Flaming Lips: Languished for years after early, random shot of success ("She Don't Use Jelly"; 1995 Wild Card team).  Great concepts thwarted by inability to execute, with the reasons often being a mix of environmental and psychological.  Late career success realized after years of experimentation and tinkering, but predicated on the simple idea of building a well-rounded team / writing good songs.

Los Angeles Dodgers are Steely Dan: Despite being fully established on the West Coast, have never really abandoned their New York roots.  A rich mix of black, Jewish, and WASP cultural influences.  Considered sad-sacks previously, their accomplishments of the past overpraised in hindsight, in large part based on how mediocre their latest material has become.  

San Diego Padres are Al Green: Affiliated with religious figures despite being defined by unholy influences ("hedonistic" southern California; 1970s make-out music).  Both wore ridiculous clothing in the 1970s and 1980s.  Not really hated by anybody.

San Francisco Giants are The Grateful Dead: Defined for years by the presence of a bloated, drug-addled figurehead who all the fans paid to see, at the expense of developing or addressing the needs of the rest of the group.  Owners/management gladly raked in the cash.  His abrupt departure left his former comrades and bosses with a purposeless existence.  Greatest accomplishments as a group were years in the past, but that didn't stop people from paying ridiculous sums to watch them.

A tip of the hat to the great MLB/Simpsons analogy list.

1 recs  |  Comment 11 comments

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Re: MLB Band List, Part I - National League
This might be the greatest post in the history of TGP.

Fine, fine work.

by dajafi on Mar 24, 2008 4:32 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Re: MLB Band List, Part I - National League
Ha ha, I loved this, even though I am very ignorant when it comes to pop culture, especially historical pop culture.

Great stuff!

by Baerwcb on Mar 24, 2008 5:34 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Re: MLB Band List, Part I - National League
That was great work.

Best lines are about the Cubs fans and the Astros/ZZ Top being around longer than they seem.

Really well thought out and funny, and can't wait for the AL.

by kdon on Mar 24, 2008 8:20 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Re: MLB Band List, Part I - National League
Great work.

That video was pretty hard to understand. Maybe it's just the crappy speakers in my laptop, though.

by phatj on Mar 24, 2008 10:07 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Re: MLB Band List, Part I - National League
solid post.  my only quibble is that you imply that Ronald James Dio and by proxy his band, Dio, are not among the greatest heavy metal bands of all time, when clearly this couldn't be further form the truth.

by overall that was a very entertaining post.  for a philly fan.  

by kendynamo on Mar 25, 2008 10:53 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Re: MLB Band List, Part I - National League
as both a muic enthusiast and a baseball zealot, i have to say, some of the comparisons are ironclad. cubs, dodgers and the cards in particular, although i would quibble that larussa = mike love.

also, it reminded me just how bad post-ozzy sabbath was. yuck.

by gr on Mar 25, 2008 11:28 AM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Re: MLB Band List, Part I - National League
Just stopping in from bleedcubbieblue. A Cards fan friend of mine (hard to believe we are friends, I know) found your list and pointed it out to me. I was intrigued! The Cubs one is pretty much true and the Cards one even more painfully so, lol. Great List!

by love the ivy on Mar 25, 2008 5:44 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Hilarious

I especially enjoyed the Cubs and Marlins picks.

As a Giants fan (and visitor from McCovey Chronicles), I think you missed one other point of similarity. Like the Dead, the 2008 Giants promise to be completely unwatchable when you're sober.

2008: My previous assessment may have been overly optimistic.

by EliminateMe on Mar 27, 2008 3:17 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

agreed, awesome post and I'm gonna have to be drunk at any and all Giants games I attend this year. Go Greenjackets!

"Branca throws..."

by Takimoto on Mar 27, 2008 7:53 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Cardinals' fan here

and I joined "The Good Phight" just to tell you how much I loved this list...Cardinals and Giants: very apropos.

Honestly, I have been joining a number of these SB Network blogs of teams I am interested in following, outside of my beloved Cards...I hadn't planned on coming here, but now I guess I'm following the Phillies...I think it will be worth it...I loved you guys edging out the Pond Scum for the division title last year...YEAH!

Now let's see if we can engineer a Izturis for Rollins trade...what do you guys think???

by tbell61 on Mar 27, 2008 10:13 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Popped in from McCovey Chronicles, where our fearless leader Grant started a discussion comparing the Giants to old dinosaur bands. I compared the 2008 Giants to the entire Centerfield album by John Fogerty.

Waiting for Part II, the American League! Fantastic post.

Democracy is lovely but baseball is more mature. BVCE supports Manny Burriss and SF Dugout.

by BaronVonCurrentEvents on Mar 28, 2008 6:36 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

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