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Sam Alito - Unqualified for the Supreme Court

Samuel Alito. Liberals don't like him for ideological reasons. Conservatives love him for the same reasons. Everyone agrees, though, that the man is eminently qualified to serve on the Supreme Court.

But, here at the Good Phight, we scoff at traditional notions of "qualified" and turn our focus to issues the mainstream legal and political community ignores. And, with that focus, we have no choice but to disagree: we know for a fact that Samuel Alito is unqualified to be a Supreme Court Justice.

Why? Because he's a diehard Phillies phan.

Alito is a phan. He attended fantasy camp in Clearwater in 1994. He is quiet and shy, except when talking about the Phillies. To put it simply, he, like us, loves the Phillies.

Frank Fitzpatrick of the Philadelphia Inquirer took a stab at this issue this morning. His take, however, was questioning whether Alito, being a Philly sports fan, has the proper temperment to be a Justice. He played on all the normal conceptions of what a Philly sports fan is.

We see it differently. As a judge and Justice, Sam Alito must put personal emotion aside and weigh matters impassionately and neutrally. He must come to the bench without preconceived notions and let the facts of the individual case before him drive his decision.

Yet, how can someone who is a professed Phillies fan claim to have this capacity? No rational thinker should be a Phillies fan. There's just no argument one can make to support such an existence. Most losses in professional sports? Check. Heartbreaking, devastating, crushing exits from post-season races? Check. Management and ownership groups who rarely care one iota about winning? Check. Players who don't relate to the fanbase, openly criticizing it much of the time? Check.

Imagine the confirmation hearing quandry he'll be put in: "Judge Alito, can you please explain to this Committee and the American people your futile, irrational, downright absurd endeavor in committing yourself to the Phillies? How can we trust a Phillies fan to avoid making such irresponsible judgments in cases brought before the Supreme Court?" Simply, there's no answer to that question.

What we have in Phillies phans are people who are utterly disconnected from rational, unbiased thought and from reality itself. They are committed instead to emotion, personal whim, and perpetual fantasy. Sam Alito is a devotee to the Phillies and thus a devotee to these un-judgelike qualities. He is decidedly not Supreme Court Justice material, and we phans know it better than anyone else.