LADIES and GENTLE-MEN
Kindly engage in civilized discourse pertaining to this evening's base-balling contest between the Phillies of Philadelphia and the host ROCKIES of Denver, a bustling Colorado metropolis of nearly one-half million of our North American Citizenry.
The PHILLIES enter Denver after losing three consecutive games in Houston to the home ASTRONOMICALS. Their hopes for the National League pennant verily hang on tonight's outcome.
Our Base-Ball authorities expect the high elevation and thin air of Denver, Colorado to produce an especially "lively ball" that will result in an abundance of runs scored this evening.
Byung-Hyun Kim of South Korea, nearly the scaped-goat of the cross-league WORLD SERIES of 2001, will deliver pitched balls for the Rockies, in his trade-mark UNDER-ARMED style. He has permitted, on average, 5.24 earned runs per nine innings pitched, and has been victorious in but two contests. Kim has been defeated eight times.
Pitching for the PHILLIES will be Robinson Tejeda, a "rooky" late of the Island of Hispanola in the Caribbean Sea. Robinson has pitched to a wondrous EARNED RUN AVERAGE of 2.90, but has only seen his Phillies win twice and lose twice.
As a courtesy, the managers have submitted, in writing, the order in which they shall send their men to the home plate for the express purpose of striking the pitched balls.
The batters for the PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES shall be:
James Rollins ss
Kenneth Lofton cf
Chase Utley 2b
Bob Kelly Abreu rf
Patrick Burrell lf
Ryan Howard 1b
David Bell 3b
Michael Lieberthal
Robinson Tejeda p
The batters for COLORADO ROCKIES shall be:
Cory Sullivan cf
Aaron Miles 2b
Matthew Holliday lf
Garrett Atkins 3b
Eric Byrnes rf
Ryan Shealy 1b
Daniel Ardoin c
Anderson Machado ss
Byung-Hyun Kim p