Still too excited to do much work today... so I looked these up, using ESPN's sortable stats page. News flash: the Phillies charged to the division title with a historically great offensive attack, pitching that was just north of awful, and very good defense.
Note the prevalence of "Colorado" and "San Diego" in these rankings. Basically we'll play either our twin or our opposite.
BATTING
Runs: 892, 1st
HR: 213, 2nd (Milwaukee, 231)
Average: .274, 5th (Colorado, .279)
OBP: .354, t-1st (Colorado)
SLG: .458, 1st
OPS: .812, 1st
SB: 137, 2nd (Mets, 200)
SB%: 88, 1st (ALL-TIME RECORD)
BB: 641, 1st
K: 1205, 14th (Dodgers, 864)
XBH: 580, 1st
(Those strikeouts really killed `em, no?)
PITCHING
ERA: 4.73, 13th (San Diego, 3.68)
K: 1,050, 12th (Cubs, 1,211)
HR: 198, t-14th (San Diego, 117)
Opp. OPS: .797, 13th (San Diego, .683)
WHIP: 1.45, 14th (San Diego, 1.26)
K/BB: 1/87, 12th
FIELDING
CS%: 32, t-2nd (St. Louis, 37)
Errors: 89, 4th (Colorado, 67)
Fielding %: .986, t-2nd (Colorado, .989)