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My 2010 MLB Most Despicable Team

Long-time readers of The Good Phight may remember this piece from a couple years back.  Well, with turnover, a Championship (zOMG), and some new rivalries come some new despicable jerks.

Let's do this:

Catcher: Russell Martin - It all goes back to the 2008 NLCS when this Emmet Otter-looking creep had beef with Shane Victorino when he told Hiroki Kuroda not to throw at his head.  Then the crying and bellyaching.  The biggest douche during the 2008 NLCS beanball wars (aside from maybe Brett Myers).  I hate his face.

First Base: Mark Teixeira - Yuck.  Really though I have no gripe with Teixeira aside from the fact that he looks EXACTLY like this total knob I used to know and I can't not conflate them in my head.  He just clinched it by being a Yankee and beating the Phillies in the Series.  Pound sand, Mark.

Second Base: Martin Prado - Every year the Braves (my most hated team) have one or two crummy players who just dominate the Phillies.  Prado was one of them in 2009.  1.242 OPS vs. the Phillies.  Die die die die.

Shortstop: Derek Jeter - Being on the other side of the piston-like fistpumping of Jeter brings the hate home.  Of course he boldly and courageously led the Yankees to another World Championship (it's rightfully theirs, you know) even though Hideki Matsui, Johnny Damon, and Mariano Rivera did most of the heavy lifting at crunch time.  Go abroad and catch a disease.  In your heart, you know Alex is, was, and always will be better.

Third Base: Pablo Sandoval - "Fat" can be jolly and endearing or it can be slovenly and disgusting.  Guess which one Sandoval is.  I don't care if he has a cute nickname based on a shitty movie, but he's an elite professional athlete with the best nutritionists, trainers, and equipment in the friggin' world.  Mix in a salad once in awhile and do some sit-ups.  I bet he smells awful.

More after the jump...

Left Field: Chris Coghlan - See Martin Prado above.  This guy just raped Philadelphia pitching in 2009 (1.139 OPS).  I hope he suffers a David Carradine accident with Bob Hamelin.

Center Field: Cody Ross


Right Field: Jeff Francoeur - This guy totally blows, and he's a holdover from the previous team, but I've never hated someone's teeth this much.  That unassisted triple play, and Frenchie's despondent reaction, was one of my favorite non-playoff moments as a sports fan.  Mostly because it was Frenchie.  And one more time...


Starting Pitcher: Adam Eaton - For being one of the worst starting pitchers in history, for never being accountable, and for glomming on to a Championship team.  Look, Eric Bruntlett stunk but he never claimed to be anything he wasn't, and he didn't get $24MM for doing it.

Starting Pitcher: John Smoltz - Homophobe and King of the CBP Whiners, Player Edition.  The fact that he's on the Phillies radar this offseason is giving me serious agita.  Even though Greg Maddux was pretty much always better, I never really hated Maddux at all.  Lovely beard, though.

Starting Pitcher: Josh Beckett - The upgraded Brett Myers, who found success in the postseason, and plays for the Red Sox.  Only one truly great season, but somehow slotted among the best pitchers in the league.  Embodies the reason why people have learned to hate the Red Sox.

Relief Pitcher: Francisco Rodriguez - Requires no explanation.

Relief Pitcher: Billy Wagner - Requires no explanation.

Relief Pitcher: Joba Chamberlain - DUI, drunk mom, I don't care about the inspirational stories about his father.  Fatty with a frog's mouth.  An overly demonstrative ass.  The little religion that sprung up around him has been hysterical.

Manager: Bobby Cox - A well-earned career-ending honor.  Sets the whiny tone in the Braves' clubhouse ("WHAAAA!!!!  CBP IS TOO SMALL!!!!!").  Hope he enjoys a nice, long retirement, although I fear for his wife.