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Way Down in the Hole: Mets 3, Phillies 0

There's not much to say about the Phillies right now that hasn't already been said about Detroit's recent economic history and future prospects, Snooki's higher-level cognitive skills or the professionalism of the federal Minerals Management Service. A historic run of offensive futility that defies all logic, not to say decency, continued at Citi Field Thursday night as the Phils were swept away by a Mets team they once owned, slinking out New York City without once having crossed home plate. While this certainly isn't the worst short-term stretch in Phillies history, it's as incongruent with the team's general recent excellence as a heaping pile of dog crap on the face of the Mona Lisa. 

The specifics of Thursday's horror show included three straight inning-ending double plays (from the third to the fifth), any number of Mike Pelfrey meatballs down the middle of the plate missed or fouled off, and Raul Ibanez being thrown out trying to steal by about fifteen feet with the score still 1-0 in the top of the seventh. Oh, and Placido Polanco was arguably responsible for the first three Mets runs, failing to handle a Jose Reyes infield single in the first that led to a 1-0 Mets lead after Jason Bay's RBI double, then botching a double-play ball in the bottom of the seventh that would have ended the inning, a batter before Reyes hit a broken-bat double to left that plated two more and ended Cole Hamels' night. Polanco also hit into the first of the three double plays to kill a first-and-third, one out threat in the third, and struck out with a runner on to end the eighth. 

If there was a bright spot, Hamels provided it. Once again, he didn't quite have his best stuff--he had just one 1-2-3 inning, and struck out only three--but the lefty repeatedly worked out of trouble, used all his pitches, and should have left after seven down just 1-0. But the pitching is hardly the issue for the Phillies right now, as a team that boasted the NL's best offense for five years looks like they'd be unable to score against a decent Little League pitcher.