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I Am, In Fact, Kidding You: Phillies 12, Rockies 11

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via www.fangraphs.com

Imagine the bar dosh you'd be rolling in if you were to have sauntered into your local taproom at around 6:30 p.m. EST and said, "Fellow fans of retail alcohol! Unless the Phillies do ALL of the following things tonight, I will buy all of you drinks all Labor Day Weekend! If not, you're buyin' for ME!" and enumerated thusly:

  • "Joe Blanton will slide home! And it will look kind of awkward!
  • Utley will homer - no! He will hit a GRAND SLAM!
  • Oh, oh, and Ryan Howard will hit a homer, too!
  • And, and and Jayson Werth will hit a homer!
  • Think I'm fullovit? Then they'll do it ALL IN THE SAME INNING, wiseguy.
  • Antonio Bastardo, Ben Francisco, and Jose Contreras will contribute!
  • They'll give up 20 hits and 2 errors and STILL WIN.
  • They will be four runs behind in the 6th, then take a 5-run lead in the 7th, then hang on by one run.
  • Brad Lidge will save us all! And after their fastest player reaches first on a leadoff error! And he'll use just 21 pitches to do it!
  • Double or nothing holiday weekend bet: And the Mets will beat the Braves, too!"

Please celebrate responsibly this weekend, Phillies fans!