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Meh-ssassin: Hamels digs longball as Phillies beat D-backs on Whacking Day

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What is this man doing?  (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
What is this man doing? (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
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The Phillies partied like it was 2008 today in the getaway game of a three game series with the Arizona Diamondbacks.  The first two games were nightmarish, but instead of a Snakes on a Plane in-flight sequel, the Phillies celebrated Whacking Day, clubbing the D-Backs into submission with three (three!) home runs (in the same game!).  Apparently, this is allowed under the rules of MLB.

Cole Hamels played the role of meh-ssassin, as he had mixed results today -- he gave up three runs, struck out eight, and walked one. The damage to his pitching line came in the form of one Chris Young, who drilled a two-run homer off Hamels in the 6th inning.  Hamels' outing was sound, but something about it left the spectator wanting more, or rather less.  Despite the great numbers, three earned runs were the result over the seven innings he pitched.  Hopefully, the batted-ball luck will work out in his favor on other outings and he can avoid the home runs.    

Not content to beat up on just Hamels, Young smashed another home run in garbage time.  It came in the eighth inning off the YDB, Antonio Bastardodeflowering the young, innocent reliever and saddling him with an earned run.  It was neither gentle, nor tender.  

Bafflingly, Ryan Madson came in to close it out in the ninth inning in a non-save situation.  If anyone has a new television, please mail it to the TGP corporate offices at the basement of One WholeCamels' Mom's Way, Philadelphia, PA.  Mine has several objects protruding from its smoking, broken screen since I can throw harder right now than Madson will be able to in a few months.  Stop it, Cholly.  Seriously.

D-Backs pitcher Joe Saunders was battered for six runs in five and two-thirds ineffective innings.  Rollins, Victorino, and Howard conjured up ghosts of 2008 and pounded the ball.  Howard's homerun provided some cushion at the end, so while it was nice, it was far from being the deciding factor.

The Phillies' scoring started immediately with a three-run first inning, paced by three straight hits, including an RBI double from Rollins and a ground-rule double from Ben Francisco which drove in two runs.  In the second, Victorino contributed a solo shot to left.  Rollins added a two-run homer in the fifth inning, and the Phillies had all the runs they would need.

Carlos Ruiz left the game with an injury ("lower back bubonic plague") after his trip to the plate in the first inning.  Brian Schneider filled in reasonably well, driving in a run with my favorite play in all of baseball, the bases-loaded walk.

The Phillies are off tomorrow, and will next square off against the insolvent Mets back at a fully-loaded Bank on Friday.  Get to know your families again, folks, it's been a while since there has been an off day.

Enjoy - this is an awesome Fangraph:

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via www.fangraphs.com