clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Cliff Lee's Phenomenal June

New, 31 comments

By now, we are all aware of Cliff Lee's incredible June 2011 exploits on the baseball diamond -- 42 innings pitched and one run allowed, good for a 0.21 ERA -- but details are now emerging regarding Lee's other June accomplishments.

June 3, 2011: Got stuck riding Pittsburgh's famous Mt. Washington incline; pushed it the rest of the way. With his face.

June 6, 2011: Beat the original NES Ninja Gaiden. Blindfolded. On peyote.

June 7, 2011: Rescued a litter of kittens and an original copy of the Declaration of Independence from a burning home. Then found the arsonist and punched his heart out.

June 11, 2011: Successfully performed the Cinnamon Challenge.

June 13, 2011: Filed papers to have his name legally changed to "The Amazing Clifton."

June 17, 2011: Told Mike Stutes that he "definitely" wanted to hang out after the game. Went to illegal human hunting "game preserve" with Jamie Moyer instead.

June 19, 2011: Performed the long version of "Rappers' Delight" at karaoke (the one with the food verse).

June 21, 2011: Celebrated Christmas with his family because he "f---ing felt like it, okay?"

June 23, 2011: Diagnosed Roy Oswalt's back problem with the power of song -- specifically the magnetic field generated by his voice.

June 25, 2011: Scolded Domonic Brown for not running out groundball. Brown now secretes steroids from his salivary glands.

June 30, 2011: Expected to heal the planet.