2012 Phillies Player Preview: Laynce (Stream-of-Conscious)Nix

Nine days after the Phillies won the 1980 World Series, Laynce Nix was born. As Mike Schmidt was the series MVP, his parents had no choice but to give the young babe the middle name of Michael. Along with a superfluous Y. Why? Because, of course, he would be destined one day to be a Phillie, one who would hit like Pedro Feliz, who, as fate would have it, would be the next third baseman to win a World Series with the Phillies. And Ricky Ledee, too, who was also a Phillie. It was written in the stars, and the numbers bore it out.

But ah! Ricky Ledee. He had hemorrhoidal surgery when he was with the Phillies, probably because he spent so much time on the bench, we wisely cracked from our new blue seats at Citizens Bank Park. Oh how we would laugh and laugh, but this was long before we ever felt the fire down below ourselves. Yes, how Ledee could act, for love of the game. And here is a nice picture of Ricky Ledee looking at a seagull. He is a Met in the picture, which makes it somehow funnier, because the Mets are swirling in a state of never-ending pathos and schadenfreude, from which they cannot extract themselves, not now, not ever, not unless they get incredibly lucky.

Speaking of getting lucky, from the looks of things, Nix was brought in by the Phillies to provide some late-inning lefty power off the bench when the team is mostly and already well behind. And maybe to teach Dom Brown how to make a spectacular catch every now and again. To beguile bloggers with how close his name sounds like "dance mix." And to be big and muscle-y.

Because this year, he will bat like our whole world depended upon him. Nix is the one.

Nixon's the One Commercial: Richard Nixon 1968 Presidential Campaign Election Ad (via nologorecords)