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There Is No Bottom: Dodgers 8, Phillies 3

This is the Phillies dugout celebrating in the third inning, i.e. the only inning in which anything good happened for them today. Mandatory Credit: Howard Smith-US PRESSWIRE
This is the Phillies dugout celebrating in the third inning, i.e. the only inning in which anything good happened for them today. Mandatory Credit: Howard Smith-US PRESSWIRE

Well, here we are folks. The Phillies just got swept by the Kemp-less Dodgers in four games. They lost three games by one run, and this last game they lost by...let's say eleventy. They've lost six straight, and seven of their last ten. There's really no way around this. It sucks. It blows. It's painful. I hate it. So instead of just straight up recapping this ridiculously bad game, I'm going to try and soften the blows...which were frequent.

In each of the first three innings, the Phillies had at least one man in scoring position. In the first inning, it was with two outs, and in the second, it was with zero outs. Of course, the Phillies didn't score in either of those innings, but it was because the Care Bears came down from Care-A-Lot to ask directions to Atlantic City. They finally got something going in the third inning. Cole Hamels led off with a single, and then went from first to third on a Jimmy Rollins single and a Dodgers throwing error. Another Dodgers error turned a fielder's choice hit by Hunter Pence into Cole scoring, Rollins on third, and Pence on first. Eight men would come to the plate in the third inning, and the Phillies would score three runs. That would be all the scoring the Phillies would do today, but personally I blame the stampeding unicorns.

The Phillies defense, which is normally stellar, suffered today from the absence of Placido Polanco and Freddy Galvis. (And even from the absence of Ryan Howard. Yeah, I said it. I miss Ryan Howard.) In the fourth inning, Wigginton made errors on two straight plays at third. However, I can understand why he was distracted. Several giant stuffed animals had just come to life and tried to hoist him on their shoulders and take him to Candy Land. They can have him.

The only Phillies pitchers I care to talk about are Cole Hamels and Joe Savery. Hamels was less than sharp for his third straight start. Todd Zolecki tweeted that in his last three starts, Hamels has an ERA of 5.23. That's not good. Hamels had a bad time in the sixth inning, giving up three runs and allowing the Dodgers to take the lead. If the Phillies are going to come out of this giant black hole of suck and despair, they need Hamels to snap out of it. He should really give up his second job of saving babies from burning buildings, getting kitty cats out of trees, and helping old ladies across the street. It seems to be really distracting him! Joe Savery, though, was actually pretty good. He pitched two scoreless in relief, allowing just one hit and one walk. The Phillies imploded in the ninth inning with Chad Qualls on the mound (because that's what happens when Qualls pitches now). He allowed four runs in just 1/3 of an inning. I could talk more about Chad Qualls, but I really don't want to clean up my own vomit.

And while I'm talking about vomiting, here are a few other gems from today's game: The Dodgers had 12 hits on the day, and the Phillies had 10. The Dodgers scored eight runs, and the Phillies scored 3. As a team, the Phillies were 1-for-12 with runners in scoring position, and they left 9 men on base. Hey, at least today's game didn't end with Hunter Pence striking out and Juan Pierre being thrown out!

/loud weeping

Source: FanGraphs