Report: Cole Hamels Close to Signing Extension and Making Me Insanely Happy Forever

At 1:15am on July 25, 2012, Ken Rosenthal reported that Cole Hamels is close to signing a contract extension for six years and more than $137.5 million.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEEESSSSSSSSS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! /cartwheels

Of course, it's a report from "major-league sources", and while the first line of the story is "Cole Hamels will remain with the Philadelphia Phillies", Rosenthal makes a point of saying that Hamels is close to signing but has not actually signed yet. So we should all try to keep that in mind until there's a confirmed HAHAHA yeah I'm not going to be able to do that. Though if the deal goes south and this piece got my hopes up, I'm pretty sure I could gather some people with torches and pitchforks and have a conversation with a certain baseball writer while simultaneously reenacting a scene from Frankenstein.

I'm sure the piece contained other information, but I couldn't really make it out because I was actually crying after I read the news. (I wish I could say I was fibbing for dramatic effect, but I'm not.) Hamels is my favorite player, and I've been desperate for him to sign an extension for quite some time. This news makes me insanely happy. There will be a more detailed post in the morning (It's 2am, for God's sake). For now, I'm going to run around my house dancing and doing flailing Muppet arms until I collapse into a giggling, delighted heap.

Seriously, this is the best news ever. EVER.