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Let the Meaninglessness Begin: The 2012 Home Run Derby Game Thread

By Liz Roscher
God, it would have been an absolute delight to watch Giancarlo the Glorious take glorified batting practice and thwack a couple hundred home runs. Mandatory Credit: Steve Mitchell-US PRESSWIRE
God, it would have been an absolute delight to watch Giancarlo the Glorious take glorified batting practice and thwack a couple hundred home runs. Mandatory Credit: Steve Mitchell-US PRESSWIRE

While you may be able to argue that the All-Star Game means something (because it counts, dammit, no matter how stupid that idea is, and I assure it is pretty stupid), the Home Run Derby really doesn't matter a whit. It's a bunch of dudes hitting baseballs as far as they possibly can. It's harmless fun, except for when the guys screw up their swing and spend the rest of the season expecting those Derby speed grapefruits over the plate. And when your ears start to bleed from Chris Berman's endless calls of "BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK". By the middle of last year's Derby, I was convinced that an accented chicken was actually calling the event.

Let's take a moment to honor the memory of Giancarlo Stanton, who would have been my lone player in the TGP Fantasy DingerJawn (learn more after the jump), and perhaps the sole reason to watch the Derby non-ironically.

Bonus Smacktalk Smackdown TGP Fantasy DingerJawn!
For TGP Fantasy players, League Uber-commissioner Wet Luzinski has arrayed tonight's contestants along with their Fantasy owners, who are themselves over in their respective tabaccky-juice smeared paddocks with mint juleps, seersucker suits, faaabulous hats, and their related little monsters.

CBS League Home Run Derby

Derby Participant

League

Owner

Jose Bautista

AL

PherengiAcquisitors/RememberthePhitans

Robinson Cano

AL

SilkRoadGang/ Joecatz

Prince Fielder

AL

SilkRoadGang/ Joecatz

Mark Trumbo

AL

SilkRoadGang/ Joecatz

Carlos Beltran

NL

Hell's Satans/ Jose and the Contrarians

Carlos Gonzalez

NL

UCan'tWalkWith4Balls/ Lindros

Matt Kemp

NL

SilkRoadGang/ Joecatz

Andrew McCutchen

NL

Gnome Invasion/ esentman

Yahoo League Home Run Derby

Derby Participant

League

Owner

Jose Bautista

AL

dannijd

Robinson Cano

AL

LeepinLizardz

Prince Fielder

AL

Missing Jamie Moyer

Mark Trumbo

AL

LeepinLizardz

Carlos Beltran

NL

Phillies0100

Carlos Gonzalez

NL

Maniacs and Mullets

Matt Kemp

NL

Wet Luzinski

Andrew McCutchen

NL

Vanceinmypants

Combined Home Run Derby

Derby Participant

League

CBS Owner

Yahoo Owner

Jose Bautista

AL

PherengiAcquisitors/RememberthePhitans

Dannijd

Robinson Cano

AL

SilkRoadGang/ Joecatz

LeepinLizardz

Prince Fielder

AL

SilkRoadGang/ Joecatz

Missing Jamie Moyer

Mark Trumbo

AL

SilkRoadGang/ Joecatz

LeepinLizardz

Carlos Beltran

NL

Hell's Satans/ Jose and the Contrarians

Phillies0100

Carlos Gonzalez

NL

UCan'tWalkWith4Balls/ Lindros

Maniacs and Mullets

Matt Kemp

NL

SilkRoadGang/ Joecatz

Wet Luzinski

Andrew McCutchen

NL

Gnome Invasion/ esentman

Vanceinmypants

He promises tasty token prizes for tonight's lucky winners. Looks like LeepinLizardz and Joecatz have handicapped the field, but whose cuisine will reign supreme? It's a Midsummer Night's Dream full of hateful fantasies tonight on TGP!

Discuss the many and varied dingers below.

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