I Can't Even: Phillies 8, Brewers 0

Today might have been the day that the Phillies rolled out one of their worst lineups of the year, with Michael Martinez at second base, Ty Wigginton in left and batting fifth, John Mayberry batting third, and Kevin Frandsen batting second. Domonic Brown was batting sixth for some reason, because why the hell not, I guess. All this falderal, plus Kyle Kendrick on the mound.

And yet, the Phillies scored eight runs and shut out the Brewers thanks to eight scoreless innings from Kyle Kendrick.

Do me a favor and read that again, because I know what you must be thinking. But I'm not lying.

The truth is, since the beginning of July, Kendrick has had only one regrettable outing. He gave up six runs in 3 1/3 innings on August 8. But in the 19 innings before and the 15 innings since, he's struck out 28 and walked seven. To say that this is unexpected would be an understatement.

Though if you really want unexpected, allow me to point your attention toward the top of the second inning, which is when Michael "Wait, He's Still On The Team?" Martinez hit a two-run home run off of former Phillie Randy Wolf. Michael Martinez. Hit. A home run. Those three things do not usually go together in any combination. And yet today it happened.

Randy Wolf helped much of the Phillies offense today. Brian Schneider, John Mayberry, and Ryan Howard each had two hits, Kevin Frandsen had three hits, and Domonic Brown had a monster day, going 3-for-4 with a walk and four RBI. Dom hit a three-run double in the fourth inning and is now batting .269 since being called up. Ty Wigginton, "left fielder", and Laynce Nix went hitless but walked once each. The only Phillies not on base today were Kyle Kendrick (who did more than enough, thank you very much) and Jimmy Rollins. Rollins has had an atrocious road trip, batting just .138 in 29 at-bats.

The Martinez home run and Kendrick's general awesomeness were enough to forget that it was pouring rain inside the stadium in the bottom of the first inning. Rain, you ask? In Miller Park? Yes! But doesn't Miller Park have a roof? Right again! Despite there being a chance of showers in the area, Miller Park's roof wasn't closed at the start of the game. Once the rain began coming down heavily the roof started to close, but they had to stop the game to clean up the mound, home plate, and parts of the infield where water was aggressively puddling. The grounds crew was moving very, very slowly. It was quite a show of groundskeeping prowess. Or, you know, the opposite of that.

Fangraph of post-All-Star break shut out #6:

Source: FanGraphs