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Houston, we have a problem: Phillies 0 AAAAstros 5

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I'm getting' too old for this S*&T. Like, what time that plane leave tomorra? Mandatory Credit: Troy Taormina-US PRESSWIRE
I'm getting' too old for this S*&T. Like, what time that plane leave tomorra? Mandatory Credit: Troy Taormina-US PRESSWIRE


Future high school gym teacher Cy Young award winner Dallas Keuchel walked 4, struck out 0 over 5. 1/3 but dazzled the phillies with his array of what Larry Andersen on the radio broadcast described as "Not exactly big league stuff". That stuff was basically a big, looping curve ball that kept every left handed batter flinching, kept putting us behind in the count, etc.. The Phillies flinched their way around breaking pitches, and hit exactly 4,357 "might be strike three's so I gotta swing at this shits" back to Keuchel over the course of the game. Relief pitchers extraordinaire Mickey Storey, Xavier Cedeno, (stop me when I get to someone who rings a bell...) Hector Ambriz and Wesley Wright combined for the 7 hit shutout.

Kyle Kendrick wasn't bad, he just wasn't good enough. the first inning 2 out home run to Justin Maxwell proved to be all they needed.

Seriously. We didn't hit, we made a boatload of errors, we left 11 runners on base, and 9 in scoring position. we didn't threaten once. The bullpen was mediocre at best, Josh Lindblomb was lucky not to give up a home run to all 2 feet nine inches of Jose Altuve, and we failed to score a run in a baseball game for the first time since August 2nd and just the second time since the all star break.

The game was so pathetic, so unbearably bad, that to recap it further would only let the badness win. This is not how you gain ground in a pennant chase.

Roy Halladay takes on some pitcher who will dazzle tomorrow when this F%$#@%$ Trip to hell mercifully ends.

I can't link the fan graph, but it looks like this I'm sure:

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Fin.